How can i make her love me again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2007
How can i make her love me again?
3
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 10:38am

My girlfriend of nine months just split up with me because she said that she's stopped loving me. However, in the past she has been able to 'shut down' parts of herself in order to avoid being hurt and that is what she thinks has happened here - and for good reason.

It was a very intense and loving relationship but we argued an awful lot. This was mainly because i was depressed about where my life was going and i lacked compassion for myself. This expressed itself in me being critical of everything and everyone - and i would always highlight problems about us and her - i acted extremely selfishly. I could see she was unhappy but she kept coming back to me because we knew there was still a very special connection between us.

Since she left for good two weeks ago i've really realised what a jerk i've been. I've taken charge of my life and applied for new jobs, gone and gotten new clothes etc, but i still miss her sorely and i know that had i known then what i do now, we would be very happy together.

How can i make her fall in love with me a second time - now that she associates most of our time as being hurtful. She sees what she is doing as adapting but she does this by removing anything from her life and mind that reminds her of our love, so that she can convince herself that she's done the right thing. However she has managed to achieve this, the fact is she's stopped loving me, but i know this time would be perfect.

How do i win her back?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:01pm

It can be difficult to win someone back after there's a history of difficulty. You can simply write or call and let her know you still care, and that you take responsibility for the ways in which you behaved poorly. Tell her you are now seriously working on yourself and getting help in making positive changes (which you should be doing). Just wanting to change, does nothing. You have to actually make the effort and get the help, guidance and support needed to change deep patterns.


Then, give her some space and time to miss you. And, also give yourself some time to actually make the changes needed. If she does still want to try and work things through, she'll get back in touch with you. You can ask if it's okay to keep in touch in the meantime. Be respectful, honest and sincere. Then, if both of you want to move forward it will happen in a natural and healthy way.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:13pm

Welcome to the board hopeful340,


Making her love you again is going to be a hard task.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 6:15pm
Are you seeing a counselor as well?