How Can I Win her Over?
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| Wed, 07-18-2007 - 1:21pm |
Dear Dr. Shoshanna and iVillage Members,
Back in Jan. of this year I began dating a young woman who works in a different part of the same building I do. At first I wanted to keep things casual and still date others. I certainly had no problem if she did the same. However, I fell back to my old ways of playing games to see how interested she really was in me before deciding who to get serious with. Well, this backfired on me when I found out she had a boyfriend she never told me about. When I asked about it she told me she was having problems with him and broke up but now she was getting back together with him. I accused her of using me as the rebound guy to make her old boyfriend jealous. She stormed off and has not spoken to me since. This was in March. Since then I've dated other women but Betty is the one I miss and the one I wanted to pursue a realtionship with. I read "Zen and the Art of Falling in Love" and realized my mistakes. I sent her flowers and a note apologizing for my behaviour
and a promise to be my real self from here on out, no more games. I wrote that whenever she wanted to talk about things and work them out I would be available.
Well, here we are in July and no progress. Other then occasional times I catch her glancing at me, it's like I don't exist. I can only think that she has a lot of anger inside her. Anger, I've read is a offshoot of fear. So what does she fear? How can I convince her that I'm being sincere and she doesn't have to be afraid? Maybe she thinks I abandonded her when I didn't call as often as maybe I should have or when I dated other women?
In "Zen and the Art of Falling in Love" Dr. Shoshanna writes about how we have to let go of people when it's time for them to leave. Yet in a later chapter it's mentioned not to give up on someone in your heart. I'm still looking to date other women but Betty is the one I want to be with. I see a great opportunity for growth for both of us if she would just give things a second chance and be willing to work it out. I just don't understand this prolonged silent treatment and complete change in personality she has undergone. Should I continue to give her space and hope she comes around or is she gone for good?
Thanks for any advice.
Regards,
Mark

Welcome to the board cluelessguyneedshelp,
Is she still dating the other guy?
glitter-graphics.com
Hi,
You played games with her that backfired. Maybe you were the rebound guy or she was playing games with her boyfriend to make him jealous. Games are for children. It doesn't really matter at this point, she is back with her boyfriend, if she wanted to be with you she would be.
Maybe she is ignoring you because you do work together and she can see the way you look at her or act toward her and she wants to get past it. If she is with the other guy, do yourself a favor and her, and leave it alone. Go on with your life, and don't pine for her. I don't see her as being angry, I see it as her wanting to get on with her life.
Good luck