How to deal with his affire and a child?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
How to deal with his affire and a child?
4
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 1:16pm
Hello im new here well on Sat I found out that my husband of 3 years has being cheating on me and now I found out that the other woman is going to have his child in July. The hardest part is we all ready have 4 kids and I just got my tubes tied and now this.I still love him but i think the girl will use this baby to get closer to my husband he is telling me now that he is not sure what he wants so im giving him space to figure it out but I feel like the other women waiting to see if he chooses me or her we have bein together for 7 years and he has known her for what 6 months. I hate her because she knew he was married and still talked to him. she told me that she has not been with a man since her sons dad and that was 3 years ago but she meet my man in Sept. and what in Oct she found out she is going to have a baby and my man is the daddy. I guess! my heart is broken and I don't know what to do he was suppost to be my forever. If you guys have any input or advice please give I really need it thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 1:29pm
How horrible for you, how irresponsible of your husband.

Try posting on the Betrayed Spouse Support Board as some of them have been through this I'm sure.


Carrie

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 1:59pm
Wow - I would not wish something like this on my worst enemy. I cannot even imagine what you are going through. I think it is absolutely horrible that your husband is putting you and your children in this position. It's bad enough that he had an affair, but now there is going to be a child thrown into the mix. Whatever happens, your husband is going to have to be responsible for that child and that means taking time and resources way from your kids - unless of course the mother chooses to give the baby up for adoption. If she chooses to keep the child, then your husband will be forever connected to that other woman because of the child. This is totally unfair to you and your kids, not to mention this unborn child. What a mess.

I don't have any advice for you, just sympathy. I hope you have a good support system - family, friends, pastor, counselor - that can help you and your kids through this.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:45pm
This is certainly a very sad and difficult situation and I am sure you are in quite a bit of shock. But you also have to realize that whether or not you stay together is not only his decision, but yours. You need time to process all that has gone on. He's been cheating and now he has this consequence. Do not blame yourself for it. The fact that he doesn't know what to do now, is not good. It is not good for your own sense of self worth and respect. I certainly suggest that you get yourself some professional counselling, to get you through this difficult time and also to get your head clear, and see how You want to proceede. (Don't put the outcome all in his hands). If you two do decide to go forward together, he must understand that he has done wrong and has to work on helping you overcome theh pain you feel and the lack of trust. He has to really be sorry and committ to the relationship, full on. Otherwise, how can you ever feel loved and safe in it again? Get yourself the help you need, and all our best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 4:54pm
I get the feeling that you are still in shock.

'i think the girl will use this baby to get closer to my husband ...I hate her because she knew he was married and still talked to him. '

Unfortunately, I think she is already close enough. Your husband has to take responsibility too. She will probably ask for financial help. She does deserve the help but I am sorry for what you are going through. Did he tell you that he is emotionally tied to her?

I hope you find a way to deal with this. Maybe marriage counseling will help if you both decide to stay in the marriage.