How do I bring the spark back??
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|Tue, 05-21-2013 - 9:34am|
(Just a little background...) I met my husband in Nov'2005, we got engaged on our 1 year anniversary in 2006, had a wonderful intimate wedding on the beach in Florida Apr'2008. For the first few years, we had nothing but "spark" but for the past couple years or so, I have put a real damper on the love making, spark and passion. I suffer from depression and it got very bad during these past couple of years so I'm sure that had a big effect on my labido (sp?) and has ultimately had some major effects on my marriage and I'm scared I'm at the beginning of the end and could really use some support and advice. I see a psychiatrist (not often enough which I will tell her when i see her next week) and believe I am in need of a change in meds for my depression as the ones I've been on forever have stopped working for me, like anyone on anti-depressants know can happen. So anyway, my husband....... he used to be THE sweetest man on earth and now I've turned him so sour from the way I've been & treated him for the past couple years or so that yesterday, while having yet another heart-to-heart conversation (which we seem to have too many.....because they're usually the result of an argument) I told him that once and for all, I have turned over a new leaf. That I realize from his words & actions over the past months, maybe even years I realize he doesn't want to deal with my sh*t anymore (and I don't blame him) and I know how serious he is now and I don't want to lose him. I told him how very much I mean that, how sorry I am for how I've wasted so much time treating him bad - mainly never wanting to have sex - and I see now how important it is for me to prove to him just how much he means to me. He tells me he still loves me but that he isn't sure he's still IN love with me. He says I have no passion left and he has no passion left.
We were meant to be and I love him so much and if I could rewind the clock a couple of years, i SOOOOO would!!! I was being a stupid, selfish, spoiled brat and think I have permanently damaged something very precious to me. I want to show him we can move forward past this and I really am the new woman I say I am but I don't know how.
See, he suffered a stroke in 2011 at the age of 39 and miraculously had a full recovery. He also got pneumonia while dealing with the stroke so he was in ICU for most of his hospital stay. It was horrific to say the least. For him, for me, for his parents, etc. He says since that stroke, he's done taking sh*t from everyone and he gets mad at the world very easily now so add in me letting my depression and zero labido take over my part of the marriage, you can see how he could get to the end of his rope.
I sure hope I you guys can offer me some help because I'm such a mess and just want to fix my marriage and will do anything to accomplish that. He says all my positive and nice actions now seem forced because I went from being one way for soooo long and now I'm completely different? Which I TOTALLY see his point there. So please, I really need some friends now. I feel so alone. :'-(