How do I feel comfortable at his place?

Avatar for hw35041
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How do I feel comfortable at his place?
1
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 5:01pm
My boyfriend lives with his mom's ex husband and it is more of a roomate situation verses step father and son relationship. However the ex-husband is jewish and is very strict with his religion, i.e. Kosher everything. My boyfriend is not this- but trys to follow the religion to be curdious. My question is actually two parts...first off being I never eat at his apartment because of either their not being food (two bachelors), or it being Kosher and its fish (not a fish fan). Well I spilled my non kosher food one time and ever since then I dont even bring over food because of the aruguement that happened. So- I never eat there, or even get water. My boyfriend insists that I am just "picky" and don't like the Kosher food...but its just that I don't like most of the food they cook (I've even tried it be sure). Second part of this question is that it seems like everything I do is wrong, i.e.- I talk too loud, I don't shut the door, I don't put my stuff in the right place, I don't chat with his step-dad enough...and the list goes on. I try so hard to be respectful and also social but I am at my wits end!!!! My boyfriend and I got into a huge arguement today and I just have been sitting here trying to figure out how to find a solution to this!! How can I feel comfortable? Is it me??

On another note- I am very hospitable at my apartment, I buy him foods he likes, cook for him, always keep my place clean, let him be himself. So this is just an issue of his place.

HELP!!!

- Holly in CA frusterated with boyfriend!!!
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-06-2004 - 6:48pm
From what you have said, it doesn't seem like your BF and his roommate are doing anything to help you feel comfortable and welcome in their house. In fact, it sounds like just the opposite. As hosts, it is their responsibility to do whatever possible to help you feel welcome.

I understand that they aren't supposed to have non-Kosher food touch anything where Kosher food is prepared, but I think that having an argument over some spilled food is over-reacting. Also, it's wrong for them to critisize everything you do. Again - they aren't being good hosts.

It sounds like there are some issues over there that may or may not have anything to do with you, but I don't think the issues are your fault. It probably has to do with the history that they have.