how do i get him to admit

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
how do i get him to admit
3
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:55pm
I HAVE KNOWN ABOUT A ONE NIGHT STAND MY HUSBAND HAD A FEW YEARS AGO. HE DOES'NT KNOW I KNOW. HOW DO I GET HIM TO ADMIT THIS TO ME? I KNOW IT IS THE ROOT OF OUR RELASHONSHIP PROBLEMS. I MEAN HIS GUILT AND MY DISTRUST. PLEASE HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 1:08pm
He doesn't "feel guilt" about the one-night stand. Values justify actions. His values justified that action...he has no guilt as a result of an action he was justified to take.

You want him to admit it. Why? It changes nothing...you won't leave if he does, you won't leave if you know and he doesn't....it'll change nothing...and you'll NEVER get him to admit it without telling him "it will change nothing". Which would be a lie - because the second that you say "I know about _____, just admit it" - that statement has changed everything!

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:35pm
You distrust him for a reason, his one night stand.... rebuilding takes open, honest communication to heal the betrayal you feel. Even if he admits it, you still have to deal with your feelings - the anger, betrayal you feel.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 8:42pm
An intimate relationship requires truth to grow and stay alive.

You have no choice but to tell him what you know. And then the two of you will have to go to counseling to work it out. You could become much stronger in the process. But it won't be easy at first I am sure.

Don't give up - it is worth a try to save your marriage.

I have found a lot of good stuff here:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com

Good luck.