how do i get him to be romantic?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
how do i get him to be romantic?
3
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 10:23am
I would like to receive any advice that I could get on getting a guy to become more romantic.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 10:35am

Men are not mind readers...if you want something, tell him. If from there, he doesnt reciprocate, then you can get mad. You need to be specific. If you'd like to come home to a candle lit dinner, tell him. If you want to go on more dates, be prepared to tell him a few places you'd like to go.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 10:46am
What are your wants, desires and expectations when it comes to romance?

What specific actions are you prepared to take so that he learns what romance means to you?

Romance is not an instinctive behavior for many men - it must be learned. It also can be very scary for a man as we put ourselves out on a limb with what *we* think is romantic and sit in your judgement. If you become disappointed or laugh at our efforts it can be a difficult pill to swallow.

I suggest that you get proactive with this and help guide him towards your personal desires for romance. Every woman is different and frankly sometimes we men need a little help to get on the right track.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 11:36am
You can't....people's action are justified by their values.

If he's not a romantic person because "he" likes to be romantic, and receive romantic gestures from "his woman"...then nothing you do is going to get spontaneous romance out of him.

You can talk about it...if the relationship is enough of a priority to him...you'll both compromise.

You'll tell him very specifically in detail what "romance" looks like to you...and you two will "schedule" romance"...so that he remembers to do it specifically like you want becuase it's a plan (remember, he doesn't value or prioritize it so everything he's doing of a romantic nature isn't "secondnature" to him.....he's got to have a script and a performance date).....and you accept that this type of "romance" is all that you're going to get because of how little he values and prioritizes 'being romantic.'

And you'll know that he loves and prioritizes you - by making the concession to "follow the script and plan"....and he'll know that you love him because you provided honest communication, the script and the plan, and you're pleased with his efforts without expecting or nagging for "spontaneous romance" now that he knows what it is you want.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com