how do I get him to communicate?
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how do I get him to communicate?
| Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:51pm |
My dh and I have problems communicating. He doesn't want to talk about anything esp if it has potential for an argument. He won't argue at all! I think some arguements are good for the relationship to a certain degree. He won't open up to me. I think some of it stems from him being young, he will be 21 in a few days (I am 26) and also from his childhood. His dad was an abusive alcoholic. He watched his dad beat his mom and he got beaten on a few occasions also. Once they finally divorced, his mom worked in a strip club, drank, and brought home men. He said the reason he won't argue (and seriously this man never gets mad) is because his childhood was full of it. He won't tell me how he is feeling cause he thinks its girlish.
Am I right that his communication (or lack thereof) stems from childhood? What can I do to get him to open up to me? He refuses to see a counselor or anyone. He says its no one's business about our relationship. I know he loves me. That is the one thing he expresses is how much he loves me but when I want to talk on a deeper level he won't.
Am I right that his communication (or lack thereof) stems from childhood? What can I do to get him to open up to me? He refuses to see a counselor or anyone. He says its no one's business about our relationship. I know he loves me. That is the one thing he expresses is how much he loves me but when I want to talk on a deeper level he won't.

Reading material:
Adult Children of Alcoholics by Janet Woititz
See if this doesn't describe some of his behavior.
Carrie
But if it's something that is really bothering you and your relationship, he can't just hold everything in because he might end up blowing up, or leaving you in the dark about things that are important to him. At least by writing him a letter he will have to hear you out and consider your feelings. Let him know that you don't have to "argue" just discuss certain things that are on your mind. This way he won't be faced with a conflict because he can reflect what you have written and think of a way to discuss it with you in a "friendly" situation or maybe even write you back.
good luck