* How do I get more support from my husband? *
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|Mon, 06-06-2011 - 2:20am|
My husband is not giving me the support I need. I don't get emotional support, support/help around the house or with the kids, or even when it comes to church related things (BTW- our Pastor is also DH's father). Normally I would just suck it up & move on, but I'm in serious pain right now. I went to the dr Friday (6/3) & was told I needed surgery, which is scheduled for Thursday (6/9). I have a 4 yo & a 2 yo that I'm hone with all the time, but because of the pain, I can't really pick them up or play with them or do things for them like I normally do. It just hurts way too much to be on my feet for too long, but I try to make do & get the things done that need done.
This isn't a new thing, but because I'm in so much pain, it's really annoying me. He basically has this attitude like he works all day (7a-3p, home by 4p) & he has every right to be tired & not want to do anything. Like yesterday- he worked overtime for 8 hours. I asked him to get me a Mt. Dew from the store & he said he would. My dad offered to go get me one & bring it by the house, even though he lives 15 minutes away, but DH said he would do it. 3 hours later he was STILL laying on the couch, 1/2 sleeping, saying he would do it in a minute. When I got up & left to go to the store he said "I was gonna get it for you". He seemed to think that he worked so much harder than me & was so much more tired than me & he deserved the down time, not me. Today I was feeling really sore so he told me he would fix the kids lunch & I should lay down. He fixed himself lunch & ate while I fixed the kids lunch, then HE went & fell asleep on the couch while I played with the kids. When I finally did get a 2 hr nap, I woke up at 6p & even though he said he would, he didn't load the dishwasher or start dinner (leftovers... all he had to do was turn the over on & reheat them). He didn't help me clean the house at all (basically pick up toys, run the vac, do the dishes... that's all) which means that, pain or no pain, I have to do twice as much work tomorrow, & find time to bathe the kids, take a shower, & go to my pre-op appointment an hour away.
I've tried to talk to him about this before, & he always finds a way to make me feel bad. He works hard all day & he's tired when he comes home & he doesn't even get a chance to sit for lunch & I do... blah blah blah... & I end up apologizing to him.
What do I do? As it is my mother wants me to come stay with her when I have surgery so I don't have to recover while taking care of the house & kids (surgery is Thursday, he has to work Friday & volunteered for overtime work Sunday). How can I tell him that I need more, make my point clear without sounding needy or bitchy, & get him to understand?
I just don't know what to do!