how do I get my dh to support me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
how do I get my dh to support me
4
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 8:29pm
Hi everyone. I am new to this so please bear with me. I have been married for 12 years. I love my husband very much and I know he loves me. Our relationship has had many ups and downs, but we have been doing better. I recently had surgery and am in the process of recovering. I've been doing physical therapy 3 times a week and taking care of the house and kids. I usually work full time, but am on medical leave. My dh is usually very supportive. He hasn't been this way since my surgery. All he does is complain about various aches and pains and being tired. If he's not gripping he's sleeping. I am so lonely. Today I spoke to him on the phone on his way home from work, and told him I was having a rough day. He got home and didn't want me to go to town with him b/c it would take too long with the kids. I should say he was taking his elderly mom for groceries. We bickered a bit, b/c I wanted to go just to spend time with him and get out of the house. Long story short I stayed behind with the kids. He came in and immediately laid on the couch and turned away from us. I know he has a lot going on, but I really need him now. I not a needy person, but I feel so isolated. I was shocked that only one of my friends came by to see me while I was in the hospital. I just want him to acknowledge my pain. I had my second hip replacement on the same hip (I am only 30). I am training myself to walk again-it hurts. I just want him to encourage me. I miss him. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 10:17pm

Hi Tanya,


It's important to tell your husband how you feel without making him wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 5:22pm

I wonder if the surgery scared him. If he is scared about losing you and this is the way he copes. This doesn't make sense if he is usually supportive. Do the other 'downs' in your relationship have anything to do with this??


You can't make him support you but you can give him positive reinforcement (like kids) when he does.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 10:14am
It sounds as though HE needs someone to support HIM right now, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 12:30pm

Welcome to the board tanya_1977,


I think you need to sit down with each other and both of you explain to the other how you are feeling. I am sure you are in pain and stressed, worried, etc. However since you said you are learning to walk again, I am sure he is having to do a lot more around the house etc, and is also under a lot of stress.


I think both of you need to be supporting each other right now. Please talk to each other about how you are feeling right now.

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