How do I get over this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
How do I get over this?
2
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 12:35am
My boyfriend and I have a long distance relationship. I moved in with him for 6 months. After about a month and a half, our sex life went down. Basically, he stopped doing things to me, but let me/wanted me to pleasure him, had many orgasms while I had practically none. He was VERY selfish and insensitive about EVERYTHING sexual. He made be believe that he hates giving and that he doesn't care if I orgasm.

We are apart again now and I told him how I felt. He says he DOES care and wants to change things.

The only problem is that I don't know how I'll ever be comfortable to let him do things to me after everything that happened and how he'd get "tired" after only 10 minutes of pleasuring me. I'll be stuck thinking that he doesn't really want to and that he's only doing it because he has to.

Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 8:36am

I am not 100% sure what you mean here, is the problem that he doesn't like to go down on you, or is it his overall intamacy level?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 12:45pm
This might get kind of long.

Everything was fine then one night he got his, cleaned up, then went to sleep without doing anything to me. It had never happened before, so I just thought okay. Then, it happened a few more nights in a row. When I asked him about it, he said he didn't notice. Things didn't change. Basically what happened over a period of months was me asking, him getting mad and saying that my asking was preventing him from wanting to do things to me. Our overall relationship suffered, obviously. When he would touch me, it would be in ways that suited him, not me. He does enjoy going down on me, but not because I like it or want it, only because he likes it. He stops after only a few minutes and then he wants to orgasm.

FINALLY now, after I live 8,000 miles away and have tried talking to him about it 8,000 times, he says he wants to change things. I don't see how I will get past the feelings that he doesn't care and that he's only doing things because he feels he has to. I don't see how I will ever enjoy it again.