how do I get over him
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how do I get over him
| Mon, 07-30-2007 - 10:55pm |
I posted in July about a man I was seeing and have known for 8 years (I am divorced 2 years from an emotionally abusive and detach cop and he is waiting for his divorce to be final and he has continued to see his NY friend. He has been seeing her as a "friend for about a year. I told him I couldn't see him anymore because of the way his relationship with his so-called NY friend was going but email and phone calls would be OK and he did call a couple of times. I decided it was time to clear the air and discuss things face to face. I was very clear on why I couldn't see him anymore. His relationship with her, wining and dining her, concerts etc. made me feel like I was not good enough. He has been nursing a bad leg from a fall 7 weeks ago and I asked him to meet me 5 minutes from his house at a barn where we line danced a couple of times. He said he couldn't do it because of his leg etc. The next day he went to NY for 4 days-4 hour train ride and then a bus ride with a suitcase and walking with a suitcase to her apartment which he must have a key for. He emailed me today to let me know he was away and that is where he goes to escape reality. He has no job, unemployment runs out and still he goes up there, not sure where the money comes from. He insists they are just friends, he can not see any one exclusively right now but I think a 4 hour train ride to NY every week is as close to exclusive as you can get and I told him that. I told him that I could not be friends with someone who is not honest with me. He is still sober I guess but his 2nd DUI hearing is coming up on the 24th and I don't think it will go well. I got an email from him later tonight after I emailed him and told him that I didn't believe him about the exclusivity and this is what he had to say-
I'm really so sorry that your self-defeating negativism keeps haunting you and presenting itself so often, as to your feelings about yourself. You are a great person, if only YOU could believe it in yourself, and not rely on the thoughts and feelings of others to make you whole as a person. The only way any of us can accomplish this is through ourselves first, then we can offer to others.
This is interesting isn't it? I believe he brings this out in me if it is true. Just a few months ago he told me the negativism was gone and that I could be the one he could spend the rest of his life with if he would be ready.
I do have to get him out of my mind as he is not good for me even though we have been good friends but I think it was all fake on his part and I don't know what is true and what isn't. Can anybody give me advice on how to get over him-he is a very nice guy and we had a lot of fun together but I couldn't get out of my mind the other woman when I was with him. Claims he doesn't kiss and tell but he has to be sleeping with her-he is the kind of guy that needs sex which he doesn't get fromme anymore and only twice. I am just so afraid at my age-56-I will be spending the rest of my life alone as I work hard and don't have ways of meeting new people. Do I need therapy? If it were not for his alcohol problem and I do believe a cheater, he would be a perfect match for me and I am afraid I will not find anyone so close to my likes and dislikes. Can anyone help me?
Teach
I'm really so sorry that your self-defeating negativism keeps haunting you and presenting itself so often, as to your feelings about yourself. You are a great person, if only YOU could believe it in yourself, and not rely on the thoughts and feelings of others to make you whole as a person. The only way any of us can accomplish this is through ourselves first, then we can offer to others.
This is interesting isn't it? I believe he brings this out in me if it is true. Just a few months ago he told me the negativism was gone and that I could be the one he could spend the rest of his life with if he would be ready.
I do have to get him out of my mind as he is not good for me even though we have been good friends but I think it was all fake on his part and I don't know what is true and what isn't. Can anybody give me advice on how to get over him-he is a very nice guy and we had a lot of fun together but I couldn't get out of my mind the other woman when I was with him. Claims he doesn't kiss and tell but he has to be sleeping with her-he is the kind of guy that needs sex which he doesn't get fromme anymore and only twice. I am just so afraid at my age-56-I will be spending the rest of my life alone as I work hard and don't have ways of meeting new people. Do I need therapy? If it were not for his alcohol problem and I do believe a cheater, he would be a perfect match for me and I am afraid I will not find anyone so close to my likes and dislikes. Can anyone help me?
Teach

Why don't you try e-harmony web site.I hear that its a nice dating site.You're only 56.That's not old at all.Why don't you try to join a social group or try to interact with close friends more.That's what I'm doing now.My bf broke up with me this Friday.He was getting to the point where he was insulting me off and on and he thought that I didn;t have a thick skin to put up with his insults!!! He loses over all because women with a strong personality will NEVER want to be with a guy like him.I really did love him too BUT no one deserves to be talked down to or treated badly.
Please try to move on.It will hurt.Sorry.
Hi teach1222.
You might want to follow the link in my siggy below to the Breaking up is Hard to do board here at iVillage.
He's not going to get rid of the other woman, stop lying or cheating just to magically turn into the guy you want him to be, to be the perfect relationship.
Teach
::How is my telling him the truth about how spending so much time with the other women in NY that he sees every week for days at a time whiloe telling me he is not seeing anyone exclusively and can't at the present time make me a "self detructive negative" person.
It doesn't. He's turning this around on you to make you wrong.