How do I know if he is just scared
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How do I know if he is just scared
| Mon, 08-23-2004 - 2:48pm |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years, this saturday. Over the years, I have been through ALOT of things. Before we started dating, we were great friends/neighbors. He was there for me through my parents divorce, a rape, and he continues to be there for me as I recover from my 17 year struggle with anorexia and bulimia.
I have delt with all of these issues very well, and I continue to work on them each day. I know that these things can be very emotionally draining on him (well, for anyone who has been ther for me, but especially him.) I know he did not have to stay with through it all, but he did.
However, each time we talk about our relationship and where we are in it, he says that he is scared to fully commit himself to me and to "let himself fall completely in love" because he is afraid I will always be "sick" with my Eating disorder, or have family issues or issues with the rape. I try to tell him that everyone has issues, and I didn't ask for these things. He understands, but he is still so scared, and I know he is holding back. We are 23 years old, and living together. I am afraid that maybe it's not that he is scared of my issues, he just doesn't want to be with me. But then, why is he? I just don't know what to do. Every time I bring it up he gets depressed for days. I feel traped. Kinda like I am the healthy on in the relationship, at this point, and he is the over analysing crazy person. But I want us to work, and I love him so very much.
Any advice?
I have delt with all of these issues very well, and I continue to work on them each day. I know that these things can be very emotionally draining on him (well, for anyone who has been ther for me, but especially him.) I know he did not have to stay with through it all, but he did.
However, each time we talk about our relationship and where we are in it, he says that he is scared to fully commit himself to me and to "let himself fall completely in love" because he is afraid I will always be "sick" with my Eating disorder, or have family issues or issues with the rape. I try to tell him that everyone has issues, and I didn't ask for these things. He understands, but he is still so scared, and I know he is holding back. We are 23 years old, and living together. I am afraid that maybe it's not that he is scared of my issues, he just doesn't want to be with me. But then, why is he? I just don't know what to do. Every time I bring it up he gets depressed for days. I feel traped. Kinda like I am the healthy on in the relationship, at this point, and he is the over analysing crazy person. But I want us to work, and I love him so very much.
Any advice?

What is important here is that he doesn't want to commit. Can you live with that? How long are you willing to wait to find out?
What exactly does he get depressed about?
Marriage involves a commitment...living together doesn't! And while Pianoguy is willing to bet your b/f is a wonderful support system, he's not going to make anything permanent between you....at least, not at the present time!
So if you can be content with an exceptionally good friendship together...which includes the ability to "support" each other...maintain this for another 6 months or so! If you INSIST on taking things to the next level---you might want to consider a little time off from each other?
Pianoguy
Jodibear23