How do I know for sure?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
How do I know for sure?
4
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 1:58pm
I'm a new member and I've been reading quite a bit here. I saw that I'm not the only one with this problem either.

Well, I think I should start at the beginning (this might take a little while).

I've been married for a little over 3 years and I love my husband very much. We had some hard times at first because I've been treated badly in just about every relationship before (cheating, verbal abuse...) so I was having some trust issues.

Well my husband was stationed in Germany (where I'm from) and about a year after we got married we came over here. He's in the Army.

I was pregnant at the time so my hormones were going crazy anyways. But he lost his ATM card and he asked me to doublecheck his wallet. I did and I found a picture of some girl he was stationed with in Germany. He always told me he hated her and that she was a wh***, well she had a name but the picture was signed "love always". I was freaking out, asking why he had a pic of her in his wallet and stuff and he told me I was paranoid. He threw the pic away and I left it at that.

We were having other Problems after that,we lost our son, he was stillborn at 8 months. So our marriage was strained.

About 6 months later, I was in Germany cuz we had some Greencard problems (we needed more Paperwork), he asked me to check his emails (He gave me his password) cuz his computer was messed up. Well, instead of checking with the internet explorer I signed it on Yahoo messenger...I wasn't thinking anything by it. Well he had an offline message from some girl asking why he didn't come over the weekend before and stuff like that, nothing sexual though. I asked him about it, freaking out yet again, and he said that he thought he knew this girl from high school and was gonna stop by on his way to see his grandmother. Well according to my Mother in Law, he never planned on visiting with his grandma. Well, I couldn't prove anything and I was called paranoid..again.

Well, last weekend, I was looking at his cellphone and I found a message in his inbox saying:"I love you too."... so I checked his outbox and there were two messages. One saying:"I love you." and the other one said:"I want to be with you forever." Well, I confronted him about it and he got mad b/c I looked at his Cell, to me it's no big deal, I open the bill so I know who he's talking to anyways. Well, he said that he met that girl when he was in Iraq (he came home in march) and they met during a briefing and they were so bored that they started writing stupid messages.

Now: I never heard of that girl before -ever and he denies cheating on me.



But...for the last 3-4 weeks he comes home exhausted and they're not really doing anything at work right now. He blames it on the sun but I'm not buying it. AND he always has a headache so our sex-life is almost non-existant (and I used to have to fight him off)

So maybe someone can help me or give me some advice on what to do because I really don't know anymore. I'm sick of being called paranoid.

How will I know for sure? I love him so much and I don't want to lose him. I appreciate any ideas

Thanx

Mimi

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:16pm
Sweetie, I think in your heart you DO know for sure...there are too many signs that he is not being faithful to you (and has not been in the past). I suggest that you post on the Betrayed Spouses Support board for advice about how to proceed. Denial and anger are two very common responses when someone is cheating.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:19pm
Thank you for writing back. I really do have a gut feeling but I need to know. I think I will post on the betrayed spouses board, thanks for the advice.

Mimi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:15pm
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I do think the writing is on the wall. Its one thing to have no evidence but it's all there plain and simple.I am sooo sorry for you and all you have been thru and going thru. My heart goes out to you!

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 3:26pm
Hi Pam,

thanks for your message. I know that I'm getting my hopes up for no reason when I think he's faithful but I really can't prove that he's not. I wish I could because then he'd have to tell me the truth.

My biggest problem is maybe not even the cheating but the fact that he's lied in my face when I asked him about it.

I wish I could see him with her or find something else to where he can't talk himself out of the situation. Any ideas?

Thanks again

Mimi