How do I make him understand how I feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
How do I make him understand how I feel?
5
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 11:12pm
I have been with my boyfriend for close to 4 years and I have 3 children with him. I love him more than I could ever express but lately it dont seem like he feels the same way anymore. It all started fourth of July weekend when we went to the fireworks and he ran into an old friend who just happened to be a female. He never once introduced us or his kids. As a matter of fact, he acted as if he didnt know us. I turned my back for one second and the next thing I knew he was halfway across the park with her. When I confronted him about it, he said he lost track of who he was with and never offering an appology but instead saying I over reacted. Since then he always seems to have an excuse as to why I cant go with him somewhere. For instance, he went to his cousins wedding reception alone saying he didnt want the kids left home alone (oldest is 13. But come to find out he ended up meeting a mutual friend at the bar. Even going to the store he manages to find excuses. I have yet to meet most of his family even though I have known him for 14 years. I feel as if he is embarassed to be seen with me. The only time he even really touches me is when he wants sex. I need some advice because I really dont know what to do. I have tried talking to him but I cant get him to see my side of things. I love him so much and I really want this to work but how can I find out his true feelings? Is he just using me and staying because of the kids? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 2:18am

just for the record: it may have been RUDE of him not to introduce you to his "friend" at the fireworks. but *that* incident - in and of itsself - is not enuf to make some kind of judgement call here on his behavior. some people just lack basic manners.


however, it does sound as if you two might benefit from couple's counseling. there is a definate lack of communications here. would he be agreeable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 11:37am
unfortunatly he dont see this as a problem. Its not just that one incident. The fact that he never seems to be with me in public and when we do by chance go some where together he asks like we dont know each other. He barely talks to me about ANYTHING and no matter what I say or do nothing ever changes. I can tell him how hurt I am by the way he treats me and all he does is stare at the wall like he dont hear what I am saying. I live with him but I might as well be living alone because thats what it feels like.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 1:39pm
ok so then i go back to my original question - what about couple's counseling? you have three kids together, you owe it to yourselves and the kids, to at least try and work things out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 2:10pm
I think that you need to sit him down and have a serious chat with him. Start off by telling him how much you love him and how much he means to you and see what he says in return. Then ask him why he has been ditching you all of a sudden and wanting to go places alone. Tell him exactly how you feel about everything so everything is in the open and he knows what you're going through or what you're feeling. If he loves you as much as you love him he will try and work things out. Just have him listen to what you have to say and listen to what he has to say in return, so you both know how each of you feel. Once your feelings and his are out in the open you should be able to make some progress with your situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Mon, 09-27-2004 - 7:08am
I would suggest the same. Definetly sit down & tell him this is serious. If he says he doesn't see any problem explain that you do. He atleast owes it to you to listen and to tell you if there is something wrong. If he's unwilling to care about your feelings or consider counselling then I hate to say this but you may be better off without him. Relationships are a 2 way street and if your feeling unhappy he needs to respect that and make an effort to help you feel better about the situation. So it kinda sounds like he's just trying to avoid the situation. Most men are not thrilled about talking about their feelings but sometimes its neccesary. And if he's willing to just let you feel like this and risk losing YOU then he certainly doesn't deserve you. Maybe if he gets the impression that their is a chance of losing you then chances are he'll change his tune pretty fast & be willing to talk. Just let him now how serious this is to you and that you can't live like this anymore. Otherwise over time you are only going to hurt yourself by feeling insecure and unhappy. I hope this helps a little. Good luck to you!