How do I save my marriage???
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| Mon, 07-09-2007 - 1:49pm |
Title says it all...I need to know how to save my marriage. Can it be saved? Should I even try?
I have been having an affair for the past 9 or so months. I do love my wife but I am "in love" with my affair partner. My wife and I separated recently at my request. I thought it dishonest and unfair to be in my marriage when my heart was elsewhere despite knowing that I did not have any chance of a future with the other woman. I have since realized that my feelings for my wife and my devotion to my family are much, much stronger than I had really ever thought. I am seeing that the love I have for my wife is far deeper than the exciting and passionate feelings I have with the other woman.
My wife has said she wants to work things out...to reconcile and to try and put our marriage and family right again. How do I go about doing this? How do I regain the trust of my wife and my son?
Please help...

how can they ever trust you again? How can you learn to trust yourself again?
Maybe start by ending your affair, huh?
First off stop the affair. That means get her completely out of your life.
Get some counseling for yourself and couples counseling for you and your wife. And if you really want to patch things up with your wife, know its not going to be easy, and work like he11 to regain her trust. It takes a while for trust to be built back up, if it can be built back up, but you both have to want it. Good luck.
Before you send your son and your wife on a emotional roller coaster for the second time, you need to really really think about what it is that you want. It wouldnt be fair to them or to you if you decide that you dont want your marriage.
Edited 7/9/2007 3:01 pm ET by floralie
Oh I know i want my marriage. I want to try and make things work. My wife feels the same way. We are both smart enough to know that wanting may not be enough. It will take some work. We have been talking more over the past few months than we had ever in the past. We have been more open and honest with each other about were we feel things went wrong. We both have a real understanding of what each other is looking for within our marriage and what each of us will have to change to achieve this. The one thing we have not done is told our son that we are working things out and moving hopefully towards reconciliation. We need to protect him and not give him false hope that tings are going to be fine tomorrow or the next day or even next week. This process could take some time.
What I am looking for is advice on how I can regain the trust of my wife. Is time the only thing that will heal things?
Welcome to the board mustbenutz,
Counseling is a must.
Time will help but the only thing that will really help is to get into marriage counseling to discuss with a qualified counselor what made you cheat in the first place.