How do you deal with daughters?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
How do you deal with daughters?
4
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 6:26pm
I currently live with a gentleman who has kids(s7 & d13). I also have kids(s6 & d15). Things were good, we all hung out, I took the girls places, boys too. Sleepovers, concerts, etc. THEN we took a vacation together. I was put in a rather uncomfortable position with regards to taking care of all the kids. My "friend" put me in charge of discipline/caretaking for the most part. His d is more like mom to her br so when I had to be "in charge" she became very upset. Our vacation turned into a nightmare..we argued A LOT(him and I).....it ended up me doing things with my 2 and him doing things with his. Fast forward....His d is now refusing to step foot in our home. She now hates me and my kids. I apologized to her for the uncomfortable position she felt she was put in by me being the "MOM" and it wasn't my intent. My friend has taken the blame for throwing us all in together without discussing everyones role in this little blended family. Anyway, he told me the other day his daughter doesn't want me here. She says SHE wants to be the only "female" in her dads life. From things I've read I can understand how she feels. My issue is...he's not sure where he stands. I let him know I would not come between him and his kids. And, I'd move out so he could have her here more. He has said he likes having me here. He and I do great when we are alone or have my 2 and his s. His s and I get along fabulously...when he comes in he seeks me out, phones me, etc. I really like his daughter and I am not sure how to deal with all of this. My kids aren't either. Before we moved in together we did talk to the kids and everyone was on board...especially his d. I'm so sad. Not sure what's in store.....Is it better to cut and run or try to give it more time? (It's been 3 months)

~Karen
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 11:23am

Welcome to the board notjust_mom,


When you say it's been three months what are you referring to? Three months since you moved in together or three months since the vacation? I can understand you not wanting to come between him and his daugher, but I don't think you should let a 15 yr old be deciding things like you moving out just because she is upset with you.


I think it is time there was a family meeting or maybe even some family counseling were everything can be discussed and worked out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 11:28am

Welcome to the board notjust_mom,


I can understand how you feel, even how the 13 yr old feels, but what happened and why, well, my personal opinion is that it's up to HIM to fix things at home with his daughter and patch up things with you and between you and his daughter (as you have ALREADY apologized).

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 6:32pm
Sorry. 3 months since the vacation...he's actually with her this week "on vacation" We were going(he and I) but she found out where he was going and wanted to go so I stayed home(per his request). I have discussed with him about him needing to fix it but he's not willing to right now. We are kind of on the outs with this at this point. My s has asked to move back in with his dad. So, he is. I'm not sure what if anything can happen at this point....thanks for the advice.....

~Karen
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 6:34pm
3 months since the vacation. His d pretty much gets her way with dad. Mom is allowing it too. I'm frustrated and I'm not sure where we will go from here. I don't want to move and I know from him his d doesn't want ANYONE but her in his life.....so sad...........

~Karen
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