how do you end a relationship that is no good for you if you love the person?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007
how do you end a relationship that is no good for you if you love the person?
18
Sat, 07-09-2011 - 11:35am

I am 41 years old and have been in a relationship for 2 years. When the relationship began, it wasn't anything serious. I knew him for several years before we became intimate, and I knew his reputation for being a 'player', but as I was not looking for anything serious at the time, I just didn't care because I liked him and was very attracted to him. We would get together, have a good time, then go back to our lives and I was fine with that. But somewhere along the way, I (like an idiot) fell hard for this man. He would tell me he loved me, and wanted to be with me and that there was no one else. I honestly didn't believe it, but as I loved him I stayed with him and I stopped talking to other men because he was the only one I wanted to be with.

At this point, I need to explain how our relationship was. He went to work at around 2 a.m. He would come to my house at 8 or 9 in the evening and stay with me until time for work. I rarely seen him during the day because he worked until 11 or 12 a.m. On Friday and Saturday, when he didn't work, he was in and out a couple of times during the day for 10-20 minutes at a time, and when I told him if he wasn't with me on Friday or Saturday, I was going to go out, also, he stayed with me Friday and Saturday nights. That was our relationship for almost 2 years.

One Friday, I was home and a friend who lived across from him called and said I needed to go to my 'boyfriends' house because she had just seen him go in with a 'nasty crack whore'. So to make a long story short, I went and caught him half dressed with a "nasty crack whore" who was also half dressed. I just walked out and left and immediately began receiving texts from him telling me he loves me and hes sorry and all this bs. He came to my house and begged me to give him another chance, blah blah blah and again like an idiot I did.

This man lies to me all the time, he has cheated on me at least once (yeah, right). But the past few weeks, he has been spending more time with me, but always at my house. We RARELY go anywhere together. We sit in my room and watch t.v. That's pretty much the extent of our time together. I honestly don't know why I fell for this man, but I did. I know this is going nowhere and I want to share my life with someone and it's not going to be him. But I truly love this man so how do I end it? I have tried before and he texts and calls and I end up going right back to a no good, dead end relationship. Help!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I am genuinely curious about why so many women who are treated badly by men still love them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007

if i am honest with myself, i think i 'love' this man because i feel sorry for him. how can anyone who lives like that, lying, cheating, etc., be happy? And i can block his calls but he still texts. when he is with me, its good. he only treats me badly with the lies and cheating

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009

I am with Musiclover.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007

Well, I am sorry that my self esteem is not up to par with everyone else's. I posted this because I know this 'relationship' is bullcrap and I do want to end it. But I do care about this man, I do feel sorry for him, and maybe I'm more pathetic than anyone knows because I don't want to hurt him. As far as him being a man and I will settle for him, that's not exactly true. I have a couple of men that want to be with me, one calls everyday telling me he wants to be with me and he loves me, blah blah blah, but I am just not interested in them. I don't know what it is about this one man, why I can't stay away from him. Maybe you're right, I just have no self respect. I have hurt alot of good men in my life because I was not in love with them, so maybe I deserve to be treated the way this man treats me. Who knows.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004

No one deserves to be treated like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007

Wow. That actually sounds like me. Everytime I think about breaking it off with him, it will run through my head "what if he really does care about me" and then I stay with him, even though the 'sane' part of my brain is saying "if he loves me, he wouldn't treat me this way" but the stupid part always wins. How do I make the 'sane' part of me win?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I agree--you could go to counseling to explore why you would let someone treat you this way or a support group for victims of domestic violence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Dickeystrong, sorry to be late adding into this thread.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2007

I think my biggest problem is that I feel like I am abandoning him. He doesn't have anyone, his family is not

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

If he has no friends then that is really not your problem--I'm sure you can see that his view of friendship is really off the wall anyway.

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