How do you get over all the fights and resentment?
Find a Conversation
|Sun, 07-06-2014 - 2:32am|
I'm looking for advice.
I've been married for a little more than a year but it's been awful. My husband and I moved to a new city right after we got married, and I'm cut off from all my friends and family. I've resented him for the move, and for a lot of other stuff, and I know I should have let go, but I just wasn't able to and still can't. I don't know if I fell out of love with him, or if the resentment just poisoned any love I had for him.
I stopped wanting to sleep with him many months ago. We started fighting pretty much non-stop. At first, he still tried to sleep with me, but now he's pretty much given up (we've had sex maybe twice this year). When I first stopped sleeping with him, I thought the problem would get better if he just gave me a little more care and attention, but instead my pulling away just led him to withdraw.
Things kept spiraling out of control, with fights almost all the time. Now it seems he's lost all respect for me, let alone any love. He's told me he doesn't love me anymore, and I've said the same to him.
He still has the power to really hurt me. The other day he told me he hated everything about me. Tonight he told me to shut the f*** up -- the littlest things set us off -- and I was so angry at his tone that I threw a glass of water at him (just the water). Then he called me a f****** whore and told me he hates me again. I ran out of the house crying, and just sat on the street a few blocks away trying to pull myself together. I'm really not close enough with anyone in this new city to call them late a night for a shoulder to cry on or a place to stay, so eventually I walked home.
He's been sleeping in another room of the house for the last couple weeks, and when I got home the door was shut. I just went into our bedroom and watched a movie, which is what I've been doing almost every night to try and take my mind off things. The loneliness is overwhelming.
Now I'm crying again because I feel so alone. We've been to couples counseling, just a few sessions three months ago, and we started going again last week basically because I forced the issue. I feel so hopeless, like there is absolutely no way to move past everything that's happened, and all the resentment I felt a year ago has become a mountain at this point. Does anyone have any advice for me? Is there any way to move forward when you've said the most horrible things you can imagine to someone and have had them said to you? When you can't even fathom sleeping with someone again or getting close to them?
More than anything I wish there was someone I could talk to, which is why I'm turning to this board! Thanks to anyone who reads this and to anyone who has any thoughts.