How do you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
How do you know?
3
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:55pm
Hi all,

I have a question that is currently really nagging me. I have been with my significant other for 3.5yrs. Overall we have a very good relationship. We have a lot of fun together, common interests and respect one and other.

Here is the question/issue. How do I know that he isn't still in love with his fantasy woman from college? During our early courtship he confided that the love of his life was this woman from college who lives in Mexico. A year or two before he met me he even offered to move to Mexico to have a relationship with her. She told him no that she was involved with someone else that she eventually married last year and now has a child with. I still think he carries the "fantasy" torch for her. You know the old adage...fantasy beats reality (me) any day. I have no idea how often they talk or email because I asked him not to tell me anymore. When they did contact one and other he would get all excited and "silly" when he talks about her to the point where I told him I didn't want to hear it anymore and to call one of his guy friends if he wanted to gush about her. My gut says if she ever became available again he would leave to attain his fantasy. He says this isn't true but his actions (at least in the past when he shared them with me) speak otherwise. How do I decide to move forward or not with this man when I feel that he would leave me if this woman was available?

Any insight would be appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: kathph
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 3:38pm
The sad thing is you don't really know. Even if he's with you, he could have feelings for her, even with her being married and with a child.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2004
In reply to: kathph
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 6:22pm
My significant other and I have been together for 7 years. Last night he informed me that he still loves a old girlfriend (this is from 20 years ago) he has not seen her but they communicate e-mail and the phone. He doesn't love her in a way that he would want to live with her but he loves her. Im not sure where that leaves me

I really don't have any advise that I can share.

Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
In reply to: kathph
Mon, 08-16-2004 - 11:25pm
SSSHeryl!

I'm so sorry! How are you doing? Did he say that he loves her as in loves her because of history or is he trying to re-capture an earlier aka easier time in his life?

Kath