how do you know when to END it? HELP!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
how do you know when to END it? HELP!!
2
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 10:05am
Hi, I'm new here and I have a question for you all!
Okay, I am 22 years old and have been married for almost 3 years. Yes, I got married very young! My husband is 21. We have a 1 1/2 year old son together as well. My question is- How do you know when it's over? I mean, I feel in my heart that it is....I am NOT in love with him at all and I feel that we are definitely more like brother/sister and room mates/best friends. We still get along great for the most part, the thing is- there is no love, passion or romance there. I don't even want to have sex with him anymore. He still does, but I have NO desire with him. He gained a little weight since we've been married, and that is a factor in it. I don't think he can/will lose weight even if he wanted to, because heaviness is something that runs highly in his family. Besides, I don't think he really wants to give up eating. I know he feels the same way I do. We talked about this whole situation a couple weeks ago. I told him that I feel more like we're room mates and that I didn't know if I was "in love" with him anymore...He said he felt the same way. Of course we will always love eachother and have that special bond through our son, but we are no longer "in love". I have been antsy lately to get back out into the dating world and have fun again. I feel that I am wasting my time in this marriage. I am CONTENT, yet not HAPPY. Is there more to marriage than just being content? Or am I just being a hopeless romantic? Would it be smarter just to stay with the man I am with, as we have a son together, and we do get along okay for the most part, just don't have too much in common and definitely not in love. Can we fall BACK in love? At this point, I definitely feel that it is a hopeless cause. The problem is- I don't really WANT to try anymore. I just want to start a new life, a new beginning. I feel that we got married really young and didn't really experience with dating other people and really LIVING. I feel tied down now. Don't get me wrong, I will always put my son first, even if I am single, but I just want to have fun again!
Does anyone have any advice for me out there? My family keeps telling me that we should try to work on our marriage...when I don't even know if I WANT to put forth the effort to work on it really....I don't want to. Is that so wrong?? Would I be wrong to separate/divorce him? I feel that we could get along well as friends and co-parents. We are just not "meant to be" ...and I feel that if I stay with him, I could possibly be denying myself, and him, in finding our true better halves. I have been feeling "out of love" with him for over a year now, so this is not something that sprang up overnight, either!
I just feel guilty, and I don't want to regret divorcing him in the future, but I really want to be happy now! I really don't feel that anything we do will bring back that "spark"...am I being naive? could the "spark" really come back?
Any advice at all is greatly appreciated! Thank you!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 3:36pm

Welcome to the board taytertott,


I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you don't really want to try anymore. If you want to make your marriage work, both of you have to be willing to try to work on the issues you have. I think you should try to work on your marriage since you don't have any real serious problems. Since you feel like you missed out on dating. Why don't you try to date each other. Get a sitter for your son and go out and do something fun. Go to the bar, bowling, dancing, the movies, something.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Thu, 04-12-2007 - 8:40pm

I'm usually the first poster who says "RUN!" but for some reason, that wasn't my first reaction after reading your post.

What steps have you two taken to "work it out?" There's a toddler involved here and I think it's important to try all avenues before abandoning the marriage.