Two wrongs don't make it right, but please consider that he's turned it all around and he's pointing the finger at you, that YOU're the bad one. Instead of owning up to flirting with other women and apparently letting them think he's single, he's Mr. Injured. Not only is he ignoring that he, too, did wrong, but he's not addressing a very serious issue here about violating the boundaries around your relationship, fidelity, trust and integrity. There is NO reason why you should trust him and vice versa. He hasn't owned up to any wrongdoing. He hasn't tried to make this up to you. He hasn't tried to change his ways. You are choosing to ignore a very red flag. You cannot build up trust when the other party doesn't even acknowledge breaking trust. Yes, you snooped and that was wrong, but I bet that you will be further tempted to snoop just to 'make sure' he's not flirting with other girls. How can you ever know? You can't. You have to figure out what you think is best for yourself and ask for what you want in this life. IMHO, I don't think it's OK because it was 'only flirting' and not a 'full blown affair'. Do you really think it's OK to flirt when you're in a committed relationship? Just how far can the flirting go for you to acknowledge that he's disrespecting you, himself and the relationship in addition to these friends of his. I am not asking you to answer to the board, but for you to reflect: what is so wonderful about this relationship? What is it going to cost you to stay and not be sure about what's on his cell? What is the reward for staying with someone who has broken trust and whose trust you've violated? Are you going to get your needs met in this relationship EVEN THOUGH he doesn't ever change?
Welcome to the board camilionag,
Most couple's cannot rebuild trust without third party help (counseling).
There is NO reason why you should trust him and vice versa. He hasn't owned up to any wrongdoing. He hasn't tried to make this up to you. He hasn't tried to change his ways.
You are choosing to ignore a very red flag. You cannot build up trust when the other party doesn't even acknowledge breaking trust. Yes, you snooped and that was wrong, but I bet that you will be further tempted to snoop just to 'make sure' he's not flirting with other girls. How can you ever know? You can't.
You have to figure out what you think is best for yourself and ask for what you want in this life. IMHO, I don't think it's OK because it was 'only flirting' and not a 'full blown affair'. Do you really think it's OK to flirt when you're in a committed relationship? Just how far can the flirting go for you to acknowledge that he's disrespecting you, himself and the relationship in addition to these friends of his.
I am not asking you to answer to the board, but for you to reflect: what is so wonderful about this relationship? What is it going to cost you to stay and not be sure about what's on his cell? What is the reward for staying with someone who has broken trust and whose trust you've violated? Are you going to get your needs met in this relationship EVEN THOUGH he doesn't ever change?