Still in the same realtionship that I have written about before. It's heading towards 5 months. I guess you could say our relationship is pretty typical (ar at least that's how I percieve it... if I am off, let me know). How do I see our relationship? Pretty one sided. I see me bending over backwards for him. Doing laundry, cooking him his favorite dinners all the time. Doing ~other favors~ for(to) him without him even asking and knowing I can't "recieve" at that time (catch my drift about what I am talking about here??). Following him all over God's creation showing my support for him and all his hobbies. And well, I am feeling like I am not getting what I deserve in return. If one of his buddies asks him to plan something far in advance, they say jump, he says "how high and do I have to ask off work??" but if I want to plan something, I get SOOO much grief and am told that he can't ask off work. Then I kindly remind him that he does it ALL the time for his buddies. Then he reluctantly say OK. I think that's CRAP!! Anyway, this weekend was a good example. I knew we weren't going anywhere because I promised him a "slug weekend" as we call it (he works MANY hours.. hardly has time off). SO, Friday I cooked him is absolute favorite meal, Saturday I surprised him with a "wake up" that most guys just dream of. And Sunday I cooked him breakfast (I'm a great cook). So, Sunday night, after not getting a single "Thank you. Appreciate it. Your the best!" from ANYTHING I had given him that weekend, I thought I was entitled to at least a little affection. We were watching a movie. I said "Hey, wanna come cuddle with me?" and he rolled his eyes at me. I said "Never mind..." and just laid there alone... And after all that?? MAN HE'S selfish!!! ANd to think, we've talked about getting married. We are already living together. Me? I'm in a position to build a rather nice house. So, since we've been together, I've included him in it as if he were going to be here for the long haul. Of course my name will be the only name on there. But still, if I am inviting you to be a part of my life and have THAT much to give... then gee, show a little appreciation.
Bottom line. I don't feel like he doesn't love me. I do know he does. But I would like our relationship a little less typical. I get so tired of hearing from women "Oh.. that's just how guys are.. I can't remember the last time my husband told me he loved me.." WHAT?!?!? Women... why do you stand for that?? Men should put us up HIGH and show us off for all the CRAP we put up with. I do NEARLY everything in the house (house work stuff) and if he washed the dishes one time... you would think he just earned a years vacation from responsibility. Guess what dear?? I work too. And I happen to have a very stressful professional career. So.. give me some credit. How do I nicely go about telling him "Honey, this typical crap has got to go. I want to be appreciated and I want you to show it. If you can't, you don't deserve to be a part of my life cuz I know I deserve more than this!!!" HOW do you nicely say that??
Yeah... I know, if this is all I have to worry about, then I should be shot thinking that I have problems...
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Another good book: The Dance of Anger, Harriet Lerner
The change in attitude..... this book talks about how if you have always behaved a specific way, a way people get use to, when you try to change yourself, some people will get angry, manipulative, etc. to try and get you back in the circle, back in the pattern, back to the way you always been, back to what they expect.
Hang in there.
Carrie
Much thanks!
Well, I'm far from the only woman I know who has had mostly "equal" relationships, so those men DO exist ;-); they are not just the exception to the rule.
I think a good course of action would be to implement the suggestions in the article Itwinflame posted, and see if that leads to improvement.
I just don't know. He has a ~few~ good points to him. I haven't hardly opened a door for myself since we've been together. He is a great lover. Not always "loving" but still... And then there is the thought of being out there in the dating world again. That makes me sick to my stomach.
So, my advice for you... don't do it. Stop cooking for him, stop cleaning up after him, don't mention "Our" house, no more morning favors, nothing. And once he sees just what you do for him, he will be a little more grateful and in turn show you the appreciation that you want and deserve. And if he doesn't... then he isn't the one that you are supposed to be with.
In that case, move on... I guarantee that there is some one out there that will appreciate you and you will be asking yourself what in the hell you were ever doing with this guy.
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