How do you start a relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2013
How do you start a relationship?
Sun, 06-16-2013 - 9:09pm

I'm one to always start at the top and build down, when everyone puts in a foundation and builds up first. I don't deal we'll with people, especially crowds, meeting people in general freaks me out, I'm a homebody. how does one go out and find? Someone that they might want to know better or start get into a relationship with. It takes me years to make good friends. It's not that I don't trust people, I just don't articulate well, and I am very introverted. 

I am not picking up so e random stranger in a bar, which isn't the best place to meet someone anyway. My social group is limited and if they aren't already married they are too young or too old. I am in my late 30's btw. I've had two relationships, the longest being a year. Both I met by accident, hardware store and the other at truck driving school. And I was Not looking either time. I feel like I missed the "how to start dating" class in school. 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 06-16-2013 - 10:13pm

 As an introvert you have different needs.  It is very important to not want anything that is alien to your being.  yes we are surrounded with the cultral teaching and the sight and social assumptions of a society that celebrates no privacy for self.  A society of social merchantilism.  As an introvert you are different.  As a young introvert you have been feeling what? Alien? 

   I am a gregarious loner.  I like crowds,clubs,dance bars, semi-casual sex friends (FWB,BC).  Not interested in marriage.  You are of the true definition of introvert.  Now ask why you desire a relationship?  What kind of relationship?  What is beauty to you,behavior,education,class, sexuality,manners,that another needs to posses.  Ask yourself many questions.  Think of the reason YOU want a "relationship" not anyone else.   Do you plan to go out and procrastinate until you feel it is too late?  Think very hard.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 12:15am

Have you thought about working on your problems?  Learning HOW to articulate well?  It can be done.  People who don't deal well with other people are really people who think they're being looked at and judged by others, when in reality, other people are just like you, worrying about what others think, they're not thinking about you or judging you at all.  You need to learn to love yourself before you can ever be in a good relationship.  You met your two relationships when you weren't looking for did THOSE start?  You must have talked to them, and gave them something to be interested in!  You went to truck driving school?  Now find some other kind of class to take at your community college.  Join a club that is built around something you're interested in.  Do you like to travel?  Join a travel club.  Take a singles cruise, and FORCE yourself to get out and mingle.  You "start" a relationship by being with people, finding people with similar interests, and MINGLE with them in some way.  They're NOT going to come to you, you have to step out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there.  The only people who have NEVER failed are those who have never tried!  You have to kiss a lot of frogs.........and I think you haven't kissed enough yet......

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 06-17-2013 - 9:13am

I agree somewhat with Xxxx.  Before you start a relationship, you need to be honest with yourself and know what you are looking for in a relationship.  Most people want a friend, a partner to deal with life's challenges, sex, a mother/father for their child, etc.  However, there are some who couldn't care less about sex, and there are some who wanted only sex, and many have no desire for children.  There is no right or wrong - as long as both parties invovled are honest about it and understand what they are in for.

Are you driving trucks now?  This would be an added challenge (aside from being a homebody and not very articulate) as you will be all over the place.  There are some women who don't mind the time away, but they are usually the minority.  I know many people are leery about on-line dating, but in your case, it might not hurt to give it a try.