how does he feel about me??
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| Fri, 07-16-2004 - 7:55am |
Am 24 yrs old and happen to know this guy for all of 4 years..We met online and have been friends for almost 3 years… Since we lived in different cities,we never met in all this while… Recently he happened to visit the city in which I live and we meet…This was six months back….We realised the chemistry b/w us was awesome and it never stopped there……We’ve been meeting once in every two months ever since..We decided to go a vacation together and it was great… Since he was keen on getting married ,I wanted to know the direction in which our relationship was headed and popped the question….He said he really liked me a lot,but the cultural differences between us were so huge that we could never have anything permanent…...He would really have liked for it to work out and so on....To make matters worse,he added that marriage was something he wanted to enter into only after he fell in love with the girl……. I choose to respect this and leave it at that… Ever since I’ve been trying to maintain a certain distance,but things won’t stop here.
He’s been calling and messaging the way he used to ,before our little talk happened. Soon after our vacation, he takes a liking for a girl he’s barely known for all of 2 meetings,but of course someone who is culturally very compatible(in his words) and gets engaged to her….. Inspite of making it very clear that I don’t want to stay in touch with him anymore, he messages often, if not as frequently, though the calls have reduced in number……. His theory - we are great friends and he won’t let anything ruin that….. He also wants to know if I miss him and the way things were b/w us etc.all……..I am seriously confused !!
First, I can’t guage how the guy really feels about me……Second, is it such a good idea to stay in touch with him…??Third, is he at all serious about either of us – me or for that matter the lady he is engaged to ? Please advise…

Pianoguy wants to ask you the 3 questions you asked....back at ya!
1. Don't you think that a close friendship is all this man wants from you? (He had previously indicated a few cultural differences between you...and it's obvious that they're affecting his head!).
2. Do YOU want to stay in touch with him knowing the limitations of your relationship? Can you just be comfortable with friendship?
3. If the man can easily fall in love and become engaged to another woman...what makes you think he'll be 100% faithful to her? Are you hoping that he'll change his mind and cancel things out in favor of a romantic life with you? Most women (from what I've been told) don't want a man like that!
It's very hard to let go of somebody that you TRULY are in love with. But based on what you've said, there seems to be very little future ahead for you with this gentleman.
Sorry I can't be more optomistic.
Pianoguy
Need more background:
What cultural 'differences' are we talking about here? That could help explain alot...
What question did you "pop"? was it "where is this relationship headed" or "will you marry me"???
How much DO you know about this guy after 4 years? Have you met his family? Have you met his freinds? Where has he traveled? What religious community does he belong to? Have you met the head of his religious community? Has he met your family? Your friends? What is the last book he read? Does his fiance know about you?
If you answered "no" to atleast 4 of those questions, than you do not know this guy AT ALL!!
You didnt say whether you were inlove with him or not. Are you? Does he know how you feel about him? What kind of freindship do you guys have where you can just take vacations together, talk online, have seperate love lives, but keep calling eachother romantically-yet-- technically...not???
It sounds to me like you two are on completely different planets emotionally, physically, and figuratively speaking when it comes to your goals, intentions and desires. What in the world are you getting from this guy? NOTHING!
Tell him he needs to stop calling you. Block his emails. Say you value the freindship you've had until this point, but if he has not told his fiance about you then he is