how to end this relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
how to end this relationship
4
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:26pm
i'm 24 yr old. i got married last year march and my hubby is 7 yrs older than me.

for the past 4 months i've been going out with this guy whom i met in my workplace.

i knew he's interested in me, and i've tried hard to avoid him at first.

but he's just so persistent, and so i accepted his offer to go out together.

since my hubby is working shift hours, sometimes he would need to work on weekend, and then i will go out with this guy during weekend.

when my hubby asked, i'd tell him i'm going out with other friends.

i really mean to befriend with this guy, but in the end it has developed in some kind of intimate relationship that i couldnt get out of.

i guess it's just out of my weakness and unwillingness to be apart of this guy who has given me "something lost" in my marriage life.

i'm planning to end this relationship on november, after coming back from a holiday trip i've planned with this guy.

do u think that it's right for me to end it up this way?

or should i just not turn up on the due date, leaving him to absorb my message, that this relationship shouldn't has flourished as it's now?

please help me, cause i really feel guilty to my hubby

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Tue, 09-14-2004 - 9:55pm
Don't take the trip with the other guy! If you feel guilty now, you will feel worse. You can set a "date" to break up with this other guy, but most likely the date will come and go and you will still keep seeing him.

Having an affair is almost like an addiction, you can't stop calling him, you can't stop thinking about him, and you can't stop being unfaithful.

You need to end the relationship today for you and your husband's sake. Or tell your husband your marriage is over and go off with the new guy.

If you decide that you want to stay with your hubby, then end the relationship now. Yes the guy will be hurt, but your husband's feelings are more important than the man you are having a fling with.

Even if your husband does not know about the affair and you decide not to confess, you should still suggest counseling... I am sure that he has noticed a change in your behavior, perhaps you have been acting more distance.

Or you should get counseling on your own to find out why you cheated and make sure it doesn't happen again... because a lot of people end one affair and then a couple of months later or a year later, find a new lover. It becomes a cycle and you need it to end.

what exactly was missing in your marriage that you went off with the new guy?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 4:17am
i guess it's the intimacy that's lacking, and the feeling of desperately in need by somebody (especially your opposite sex)

i should be the one to be blamed

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:55pm
First of all...where does your husband think you are going on vacation and who does he think you are going with? My advice? DON'T go on this trip. Just end it and plan one with your husband. I don't know why you think going on a romantic trip with someone you are cheating on your husband with and are ?planning? on dumping is going to make you feel less guilty than you do now. He wouldn't have been so persistant if you wouldn't have been throwing some signals out. I have a good way to let him down...tell him you are married and you love your husband and want to do the right thing. If he gets mad about that, he's ridiculous because unless you LET him, he has no say in your marriage.

I don't know if what I'm saying is making sense, but it doesn't really make sense what you are doing. Just think about it. I'm pretty sure your husband know's that somethings up. Do you want him to hurt more? You should either just leave him or start being faithful.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 5:16pm
Not to be mean, but you should feel guilty because you are married. I don't think you should go on the trip..no way should you go. I suggest that you call him and tell him it is over or email him or whatever but just tell him it is over and you don't want to see him anymore. I wouldn't just blow him off he could get really mad by that and confront your husband and tell him about the affair. Which maybe you should do yourself.