how to get CRAZY IN LOVE again?
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| Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:01am |
in fact, we are planning to get engaged in the upcoming months (we've picked out rings, im waiting on the big question!!) . we will graduate college in dec of 2005, and get married in spring of 2006.
my problem is, that i rarely get excited about things that happen between us, like i used to. i love him, but i dont feel that CRAZY-IN-LOVE feeling i used to. the sweet way he looks at me makes me happily recall those times, along with the smell of his cologne, but i just dont get excited like i used to.
every once and a while, i have exercised the thought of what my life would be like without him, but i feel that would be unbearable. not only are we the godparents together of his new baby neice, but we have such wonderful future plans, and we are so compatible together, its amazing!
i have figured out why i seldom feel this way: its because im only 20 years old, and basically, already married (ok, so not technically... but you get the point). sometimes thats intimidating... even SCARY!! the 20's are a time that you should be figuring out your life, and im doing that with another person, and its hard!
any words of wisdom to help me conquer this silly uncertainty?
i dont want to feel this way. we are two peas in a pod, and i dont want to feel any other way than that. but sometimes, i feel like there is still a little wild streak in me, whos not quite ready to settle down.
anyone else feel this way?

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MB
Here's how I try to "get over" the same feelings you are having: Just think of all those women out there who NEVER find a guy who treats them as good as our BFs treat us. Most women are searching their whole lives to meet someone so wonderful, so I shouldn't be picky as to when I meet mine. I think it's also kind of cool to be together since we were so young. We sort of grow up together and know a lot more about each other than you would if you met someone when you were 30. Just try to remember that you are lucky to have met him at all, b/c some people are sad and lonely their whole lives. Hope this helps! Man, I know exactly what you're going through! Good luck!
Even someone who has love, who is in a solid relationship which has been fulfilling, may find themselves longing for the romance of the first flush of being in love. The first kiss. The first touch. The first sexual encounter. These intense feelings which cause the palms to sweat, the butterflies in the stomach to flutter, etc. All of this that we call "being in love."
Which is how a married woman who has never thought of cheating can easily find her hands trembling as she tries to type a message to the stranger in her email who is "just a friend." Or she may seek excuses to see the handsome coworker who is flirting with her and complimenting her outfit, which her husband hasn't even noticed is new nor any new outfit in years.
It is that feeling, that transient emotion, which we seek because we confuse this with love . . .
Real love is work. Sweaty and not pretty. It is sitting by a person's bedside in a hospital and wiping their nose when they are weeping hysterically with grief. It is moving above and beyond the flutters and blushes and into a comfort zone in which even those who are most in love occasionally will take one another for granted. It means giving 100% of yourself to a relationship you sometimes question, doubt, and even resent. But you still love through those times until . . .
one day you turn to this person you have loved for years and your stomach flutters, your palms sweat, and you blush at the very thought of his kiss on your lips.
The problem isn't being in love with love . . . the problem is thinking that the feeling is love.
Carrie
I'm not saying you need to break up with him- whatever happens will happen naturally. But, either together or separately, you both need to experience being young, relatively free of responsibility, etc. If your BF doesn't want to experience these things with you, do it yourself!
I know people who almost married their high school sweethearts and are SOOOOO happy they didn't. You may end up with the boyfriend you have now, and that's great. But, why get married to "seal the deal"? Just let nature take its course. Believe me, you ARE a different person at 28 then you are at 19. No way of getting around it.
Maybe you two need to spice things up by doing something different. Or maybe you're spending too much time together. Mix things up a bit.
I should talk. I really need to take my own advice.
"I know people who almost married their high school sweethearts and are SOOOOO happy they didn't."
What about those that did marry their high school sweethearts, and are SOOOOO happy they did? What about the 30
But, I disagree with you that age has very little to do with a relationship being healthy. do you really think that a 19 year old is as emotionally equipped to handle things as a 32 year old? I'm not even talking just relationship things. Just ANYTHING. There are things you learn with age. You are not the same at 19 as you are at 30. Not the same at 30 as you are at 40. etc, etc.
Also, if you'll notice- my advice was not to end the relationship. Only to appreciate and experience your youth. The poster herself said she felt stifled. Obviously it's an issue. She needs to feel and act young because you only get to act like a 20-year-old once... when you're 20!
"do you really think that a 19 year old is as emotionally equipped to handle things as a 32 year old?"
Depending on a person's maturity, by all means a 32 year old could be less equipped than a 19 year old to handle things.
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