how to get CRAZY IN LOVE again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
how to get CRAZY IN LOVE again?
14
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 1:01am
ive been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. i love him very much, i still find him very attractive. hes the best thing that ever happened to me. he treats me just wonderfully, he will make an absolute wonderful husband, an absolute fabulous father, etc, etc. hes perfect for me. hes very patient with me, we have similar goals, everything.

in fact, we are planning to get engaged in the upcoming months (we've picked out rings, im waiting on the big question!!) . we will graduate college in dec of 2005, and get married in spring of 2006.

my problem is, that i rarely get excited about things that happen between us, like i used to. i love him, but i dont feel that CRAZY-IN-LOVE feeling i used to. the sweet way he looks at me makes me happily recall those times, along with the smell of his cologne, but i just dont get excited like i used to.

every once and a while, i have exercised the thought of what my life would be like without him, but i feel that would be unbearable. not only are we the godparents together of his new baby neice, but we have such wonderful future plans, and we are so compatible together, its amazing!

i have figured out why i seldom feel this way: its because im only 20 years old, and basically, already married (ok, so not technically... but you get the point). sometimes thats intimidating... even SCARY!! the 20's are a time that you should be figuring out your life, and im doing that with another person, and its hard!




any words of wisdom to help me conquer this silly uncertainty?

i dont want to feel this way. we are two peas in a pod, and i dont want to feel any other way than that. but sometimes, i feel like there is still a little wild streak in me, whos not quite ready to settle down.

anyone else feel this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 6:13pm
I agree that I made a blanket statement that no one under 25 should get married. There are exceptions to this "rule"... but I still stand by it. When I have kids, I will support them in whatever decision they make but I will let them know that I dont' "approve" of them getting married before 25. I just think it's rushing into something that is not necessary to rush into.

As for never marrying until we stop changing- of course not! I assume you got married young and that is why you are defensive about it. There's no need to be. I'm just saying that in my opinion, 20-year-olds should take the opportunity to be young and free and without serious committments, IDEALLY. I also don't think 20 year-olds should have credit card debt. It's a big committment to have a debt to pay every month- you'll have a lifetime to accumulate debt, why start when you're so young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 6:34pm

I didn't see that I was projecting defensiveness in any way, my intention was merely to challenge common stereotypes about age and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 6:55pm
"If anything, it gives more freedom because it usually acts as that final curtian call on the parental role as dictators of their child's life and allows the child to step into the world on their own two feet and experience it without worrying what dear mommy and daddy would think"

So, in your experience, it wasn't until you were married that you stopped worrying about what mommy & daddy thought? Not in mine. In my 20s I lived in a city away from home, supported myself financially, dated, and spent time with friends. Obviously we have a difference in opinion on the stages of "growing up". To me, it's important to find yourself and be comfortable being "alone" before jumping into marriage. To go from mommy and daddy's house to your marriage house isn't a good idea, in my opinion.

Then, there's the whole issue of maybe dating a little bit before choosing your mate for life. The guy I had a huge thing for when I was 20 is not the guy that the current "me" would want to spend the rest of her life with.

I just think that settling down into such a "grown up" lifestyle when you are 20 is a mistake. What about experiencing the things that 20-somethings typically get to experience like having roomates, having your own place, going out on dates with new people, being single, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Thu, 07-15-2004 - 7:09pm

"So, in your experience, it wasn't until you were married that you stopped worrying about what mommy & daddy thought?"


You must be confusing me with someone else.


Again, people "find" themselves at all ages, because it really has little to do with the number of years and much more to do with the quality of experience. Since

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