How to get that "thing" back

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2007
How to get that "thing" back
4
Wed, 08-08-2007 - 4:04pm

Hi all. I hope I'm posting this in the right forum but here goes. Over the past month or two I fell into a slight bit of depression because of work related stress and money problems and as a result it's made me feel really needy to my partner and just over all have low self esteem. We've gotten into a couple of conflicts because of my stupid worrysome thinking and I continually feel worse and worse because it's just rediculous of me! and it's NOT me. I know men hate that, but he is being supportive nontheless. But the more I worry about how this might be affecting "us" which it probably is, the worse I get! I was researching some books on men, relationships & all of that. We've only been together for 8 months but in the beginning I was living with my roommate, taking care of myself, and felt so good about myself. After 2 months of dating I moved in with my bf and lost my job. It took me months to find another one, and it was rough for me but I'm so happy that I at least have a good job, even though i'm making less money than I was when him & I met.

I was always a very independant, fun, ballsy girl that kept my own beliefs and wouldn't change who I am for anyone, yet very loving and positive. I know I had no problem attracting men because that's what keeps them interested, and what I read supported that. Thing is, I just can't seem to snap out of this little rut. I feel that I went from a healthy "I love you, you're my best friend, peaceful love" to a somewhat needy, worrysome love/feeling that's feeling a little out of control on my part. Why is that? Is it my recent feeling of low self-esteem? How do I fix it without worrying about "him" and "us"? My mind is constantly worrying "what if I lose him to this, what if he loses interest, blah blah blah". The more I worry the worse I feel AHH STOP THE MADNESS!!! LOL.... I want to get that irresistable "I don't NEED you, I WANT you" attitude back that I had - to keep him interested, to keep him intrigued - if I haven't lost that from him yet.... Do you think it's too late? Or better questioned, if so, can I get that back from him? Using that kinda reach & withdraw thing? Please note that we live together and have the same work schedules. How can I do this in my situation? Any tips from you wise women, (and men) would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 3:23pm

Hi beautifullife4759,


Here's some reading material that might help,


Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage, Shechtman


Make a girl's night out, connect with your friends....have a life of your own.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 4:34pm

Welcome to the board beautifullife4759,


Has your bf given you any reason to worry that this behavior is driving him away? I think you need to find some ways to regain your self esteem and destress. Remember that you are worthy of

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2007
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 4:40pm
no he really hasn't! that's why i'm wondering what my problem is lately! lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 08-09-2007 - 5:01pm
I don't think you have anything to worry about. I go through that every once in a while. DH will tell him that everything is okay and I get over it. LOL
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