HOW!? getting boyfriend to make a date
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| Thu, 07-22-2004 - 5:24pm |
I've been dating this guy for around 8 months. We have agreed not to see other people and have exchanged "I love you's." When we first started dating he would ask if he could take me out but lately he's getting lazy about the whole dating thing. He still calls me almost every night and we talk for hours yet he's become very nonchalant about asking me to do something (dinner, movie, hang out at each other's house...anything!!!). Its like its no big deal to him if we see each other or not. He doesn't seem to get upset if I make plans to do something without him - like go out with my frineds. He's suggested several times that we go on a trip or to see a concert but as it gets closer to the time for us to go he backs out. He's had good excuses each time and I don't feel he's doing anything (like seeing someone else) behind my back but I keep getting my hopes up and then disappointed and I'm getting tired of it!!!! I've talked to him a little bit about how this type of nonchalant behavior hurts my feelings and he says he's sorry...didn't mean to do that...but doesn't change his behavior. Please.....give me your advice on how to get through to him.

Sheri
Smilann, Communicate clearly about what you want. If you two have different personalities, goals and ideas of what a relationship is then it might be time to go your separate ways.
If you truly beleive that he had good reason to flake on you the past couple times you had big plans, then give him one more chance to prove he isworthy of your love...set up a date yourself. Dont put all the responsibility of making the moves all on him...it has to be 50/50. Pick a place and set it up..then let him know about. tell him you did al the hard stuff, got the room, etc...now, all he needs to do is take care of the details. If he flakes on youagain, then you have another choice to make...are you gonna stay with someone who flake everytime something comes up?Even when he knows how much it means to you?
It has to make you wonder, if he is like this for justy a trip- how would he be if something really really important came up that you needed him to be rthere for you???Would he be??
Not only is he taking you for granted, but you are allowing this to go on. His behavior is not really acceptable for a monogomous, primary relationship. It seems he wants to give nothing, just hang onto you. You must take a step back and decide what it is your deserve and want in a relationship. Going out for dinner, to movies, concerts, etc., is completely normal and part of life. If he hangs back from evrything and gives nothing, why do you want to be with him? What exactly is he offering you? Rather than try to change him, just observe his behavior and ask yourself, is this what you want? The problem here is his, not yours. He has various issues which make him withdraw and not be available. You can't change or work them out. He has to. If he doesn't want to face up them, get help and change, then you are in a situation which cannot grow or fulfill you.
Decide what you want in a relationship. Allow yourself to have that. Work on your own sense of worthiness and deservability. Then you will see clearly how to proceede.
Best wishes.
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