how to handle this?

Avatar for roxanne2020
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
how to handle this?
3
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 12:59pm
I just got married this past month, but already i feel like things aren't good. I have a 3 yr. old son from a previous relationship (never married fob still in the picture), I met my husband in april of last year, and automatically fell head over heels for him, we got engaged in nov and i found out i was pregnant in jan, we moved in (we were already looking for a place and knew we'd get married right away), and married in march. I just don't know how i should handle the relationship between all 3 of us. I frequently feel like i'm being torn between a 3 yr. old and a 23 yr. old, and I don't think it's right. I try to dedicate my time to both of them. I don't agree with my husband disciplining my son to a certain extent, I think it's ok to teach him right from wrong, but he doesn't need to scream or hit my son.... so far he hasn't done either but complains that he should have that right. I feel like sometimes he does try to have a good relationship with him and he'll play with him and pay attention to him, but he'll have his days, there are times my son asks him a question and has to repeat himself because he hasn't answered, then when he repeats himself my husband will say, "i heard you already." Two nights ago, I was looking for some money for medicine since both my son and i got sick, and my husband was supposed to go to the store for me, i was getting frustrated and my son whining asked dh if he could play on the computer, i would think logically dh would say he could play with him or wait his turn since he was already using the computer instead just said no...he was playing a game that my son usually plays. I instantly got mad at dh. things like this happen all the time, and i find myself choosing sides, usually my sons.
Dh was raised by a step father after his real dad left, so i thought he'd understand and try harder.
He won't attend counseling, and maybe i'm the one handling the situation wrong. Sometimes I think i should have stayed single until my son was older, now here i am with a brand new family trying to include my son, it's hard.
please help!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 1:57pm

Hi roxanne and welcome to the board,


Your husband is acting like a 2 yr old. He won't go to counseling, but will he go to a parenting class with you so you can both be on the same page?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 4:59pm

Roxanne,


I was also going to recommend parenting classes. Maybe your husband is just too young/immature to handle being a

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 6:31pm

Making a blended family work is hard. It takes time, patience and lot of open communication and good will on the part of both partners. Your husband must be willing to join in this effort and realize that he has a big responsibility here, even though he is only 23...a stepson and one on the way. I strongly suggest that the two of you seek marriage counseling, where you will acquire tools and skills for coping with trouble spots like this. There are many ways you can learn to deal with all the feelings that inevitably crop up. There's a lot going on at the point as well, with a new baby on the way. Your husband may simply be having difficulty growing up, sharing you (with soon to children) and taking on so much responsibility, so he is acting like a child himself. He needs help in taking on his new role. A good therapist for the two of you would mean a lot.

Best wishes,