How to I handle how I feel?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
How to I handle how I feel?
12
Sat, 12-22-2007 - 2:17pm
Hi everyone,

Please help. Am I justified to feel the way I do?


My dilemma, married eight years with two children.


1) She can't make love to me, per se, only her fantasies while with me.


Every time….I mean every time we've been intimate in our 8 year marriage (2x a week average), my DW asks about other girls I have been with to get her "O" or other AP fantasies to finish off.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
Sun, 12-23-2007 - 7:16pm
Well, obviously you can't just ignore this issue, as it is understandably causing you a great deal of pain. She DOES need to seek help!! I can't believe you have gone this long without it!! Normally when our partner mentions someone else he/she has been with that is a PAINFUL topic, and a definite turn off. So, I don't know WHY she is like this, but there is some kind of problem here. Role playing and fantasy is one thing, but ONLY being able to have sex with our partner while talking about some random person??!! Please get her the help she needs, and I don't even know how you have managed to keep up with this for as long as you have!! I have to ask: does it arouse you as well? I'm not judging it, but just asking because it seems like a long time to have to put up with this just to have sex with the person you are supposed to love. and good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 2:04pm

It has worked for me up tot this point because

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-24-2007 - 10:00pm

Welcome to the board manlips77,


You are in a difficult position.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Tue, 12-25-2007 - 2:59am

She said she would be willing to go to counseling. But what could possibly come from counseling? That she doesn't care? Does counseling really help people figure out this kind of stuff? Don't get me wrong, I am willing to give it a try with her, but I have lost total faith that she or I can change, we have done this our whole marriage. In fact the last time we had s*x, we made out and had excellent foreplay, and I was totally ready and she was not. She wasn't even wet. She loved being close to me though and felt satisfied and wanted to end it there. I asked why and said we always have it. She said she was afraid that if we went all the way that it would turn naughty and that she would feel bad and not close to me. Then she got

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 2:59pm

Welcome to the board manlips77,


What would happened if you didn't go along with talking about other people during sex? Have you tried that?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 5:07pm

I've done that. Two things end up happening, no s*x, or she just gives up and let's me finish. Real fun, not!


So, we're pretty much done having it. We've gone from a couple of times a week to once a month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Wed, 12-26-2007 - 8:30pm
What would happen if the two of you accepted that many people fantasize about things they don't actually want to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 2:39pm

Ok. I can accept this. The other dilemma is the fact we're not communicating, and she seems to act like nothing is wrong. For once in my life, I have actually opened up to my wife about our problems on level I never have done before, and she actually told me she doesn't care. We both agree we need MC. So we'll certainly try this, but I just can't expect her to change who she is and vice-versa.


I guess this will be a defining year for us. I am willing to roll

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 3:08pm

I am always amazed that when we meet someone and decide to marry them we seem to ignore the issues at hand until after the wedding is over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2007
Thu, 12-27-2007 - 4:34pm

With all due respect, the s*x problem has been one aspect of

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