How to let go????
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How to let go????
| Wed, 06-02-2004 - 4:14pm |
I have just mutually ended a 5 year relationship. Sounds simple but it isnt we have a 2 year old daughter. And afte five years he has been with someone else for 6 or 7. I know I have to move on and love is not enough but for some reason i cant. And to make matters worst we have a child to raise together. I am on an emotional rollercoaster, I knew it was over when I allowed him to bring me out of character. He is 23, I am 27 (5 years together) and the other women is 38 (6-7 years together). People have come up with many justifications for the infidelity and the most common is his age. Is this really true? How can I move on, Hide my feelings and continue our parenting relationship? Please help.

I am confused. If he was with her longer, weren't you the one he was having an affair with? Or was he lying to the both of you?
You asked what is reasoning was. Why does this matter? Why find a reason, or blame it on his age? So that you can justify how he rationalizes his choices? In my opinion, the best thing for you to do is figure out how you are going to raiose your daughter, and move on and have a healthy life.
I can't tell you how to do that. What I can tell you is that the best thing is to surround yourself with healthy people, so that you can focus on your daughter and yourself. This man is no good, and you know that. So, move on. I know that is easy for me to say, rather than for you to do. If you need some tips on how to clear your head and focus more on you, there are some great folders on another board.
Here is the link:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/listsf.asp?webtag=iv-rlgogirl&nav=start
-amy- "CL-fiesty"
You do not have to "hide" your feelings, but work them through. You need to allow yourself to feel the loss, hurt, betrayal and then focus upon now. These feelings will come up, they are coming up to be let go of. Suppressing them or trying to explain them away do not work. Because you have feelings coming up, does not mean you should return to this man or share your feelings with him. Regarding your parenting relationship, set strong boundaries. Do not do things all 3 of your together, but set times when he sees the child and do not be present for them. Greet him, give him the child and that is that. Certainly you will have to talk on the phone about her over the years, run into each other and make arrangements, but this can be done cordially as with an acquaintance, not an intimate other. It would be helpful for you to get some counselling on setting up the boundaries, healing from the hurt and betrayal you suffered, and building up your own sense of self worth and esteem. The best way then to move on is to do so. Get involved in activities that are meaningful to you, surround yourself with positive, supportive friends, and when you are ready, start to date again. As you grow and build a new life, you will not dwell so much upon him. Don't get hooked into discussions with him, or dwelling upon who is or is not to "blame". I suggest you read and work with my book Zen And The Art of Falling In Love. This book is filled with wonderful advice on relationships and has many exercises which are helpful in growing strong and moving forward in life.
All good wishes.
Dr Brenda Shoshanna
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
thanks!!!!