How to let go of jealousy and insecurity

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
How to let go of jealousy and insecurity
4
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 10:29am
I am teresa, 24 yrs old and currently in a 3 yr relationship with my bf. He and I have always been loving and affectionate and always told eachother we would never cheat or anything of that nature......well recently his band has been gone alot, touring and i find myself getting jealous of the girls around them, they are always half naked and flaunting everything they have! I find myself feeling very inadequate and I fear him leaving me every single day.....This has caused me to be unhappy all the time, recently we had a talk and he let me know that the more i accuse him or dont trust him the more i push him away, so ive stopped it...I just give him love and he gives it back, he kisses me in the morning, he says i love u, he spends all his free time with me.....i dont see any signs that he is cheating but I need help as to how I can just get these horrible cheating thoughts out of my head before i go crazy...i cry too often Im afraid for no reason......i dont want to lose him and I dont want to lose myself in the process.....please can anyone help me or share experiences, Im afraid I might be going into depression...I dont want that...thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 11:11am
I'm a strong believer in women's intuition and if you are constantly feeling insecure than you know deep down in your heart that something is wrong. I just say that if being in this relationship is making you this upset that you are crying every day I think you should either get a hobby to preoccupy your mind or just let go of the guy. Not to make you feel bad but guys who are in bands don't have a good track record for being faithful. Just be careful and keep your eyes and ears open for any inconsistencies in his stories.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 11:34am
Hello,


I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I'm sorry because i myself feel the same this very moment and i know how unhappy this makes me. My boyfriend is a sweet heart spends all his free time with me and i still feel jealous when he talks to girls or when he wants to go out. I do have to tell you that i disagree with the other person that replied to you. Intuitions are sometimes accurate but with insecure people they don't work. What you call intuition now may not be an intuition- It could be you just you being insecure. If he has not change his behavior with you,if he's not getting strange phone calls or doing something that he didn't do before then you have nothing to worry about. Please, don't torture yourself thinking because it only makes you feel worse. Today, Monday I decided not to do this anymore. I'm sick and tired of feeling so insecure and jealous. Think about it hon, if our boyfriends leave, we have NO control of the situation, we have no control of their feelings. LEt's take care of ourserlves. We HAVE control of what we think and how we lead our life. I wish you the best.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 11:44am
I can really relate to you because I used to spend so much time freaking out about whether or not my husband was doing stuff. That kind of worry is like poison because it just consumes you. My self esteem was shot, and I am still rebuilding it.

I can totally understand your jealousy, but your guy chooses to be with you over these other girls. Why do you feel inadequate? I know that it doesn't seem this way but your feelings of inadequacy doesn't have anything to do with him or what he is doing. It has to do with you and how you feel about yourself. The cheating thoughts that you have are because you have so much anxiety about whether or not he is going to cheat on you. You are really preoccupied with his potential behavior ~ a behavior you have absolutely no control over. And your self esteem and self worth are riding on it. Not a very good strategy, huh?

It sounds to me like you already are losing yourself. Your self esteem and self worth are totally dependent on how your boyfriend treats you.

It doesn't sound like he is showing any signs of cheating, so chances are he isn't. He sounds like a good guy. Think about going to a therapist and working on your self esteem because that you do have control over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 6:07pm
working on your self-esteem is a step in the right direction.....

I think you might be sensitive to the inappropriate energy directed towards your man by other women. If he's going to continue in the arena, then you have to get to a place within yourself so you can accept it and know he won't act on it, or you have to remove yourself from the arena.


Carrie