How Long Should I Wait For Him?
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| Thu, 03-11-2004 - 9:47am |
I cannot say I'm unhappy with the relationship. We get along great, have fun together and we're good friends and confidants. We always talk about the future as if it's assumed we'll marry and raise a family. We looked at rings over a year ago and he knows exactly what I want and the size, he even made note of it. He's included me in his family get togethers and feels that I am apart of the family.
For the most part, things feel great except, after 8 years, he's still not ready to take the next steps. While I'm apartment hunting, he's house hunting and I feel that we're moving forward but separately. He feels very adamant about getting the house on his own and that I should get my own place (I currently live with my parents).
Am I wasting my time by waiting so long or is it still possible to have the beautiful future he always talks about if I just wait for him to get it together?

I think it is extremely important for people to live on their own, become fully accountable for themselves, independent and capable of managing an adult life BEFORE considering cohabitation and/or marriage. He likely ses that he would be your safety-net if you jump directly from mommy & daddy's arms (house) into his. You need this time to grow as an adult.
Time is not the primary issue here. Your adult life-skills are. Tune those up before you expect a proposal & marriage.
You are young. I think you said 26. What I would do is give it maybe like another 1 year maximum and if he is still not ready. The f him. And believe me I know how hard that will be. But I was in a really long term relationship like that and mairrage never happened and now I am 36 yikes. So you know. Look out for yourself.
I cannot say I'm unhappy with the relationship. We get along great, have fun together and we're good friends and confidants. We always talk about the future as if it's assumed we'll marry and raise a family. We looked at rings over a year ago and he knows exactly what I want and the size, he even made note of it. He's included me in his family get togethers and feels that I am apart of the family.
If you feel a need to put a "deadline" on your relationship then do it, but to me you stay in a relationship because you are happy and you see a future in this relationship.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
If you scan ivillage messages you will see numerous "red flag" messages when a guy still lives at home. Identical principles apply to women as well. Most men want women that are fully capable and accountable for looking after themselves yet are willing to enter into a true partnership with us. Doing otherwise creates a double-standard or a "do as I say, not as I do" situation.
I strongly believe that he wants a fully capable adult and that is difficult to achieve while living with mom & dad.
I just thought that since we've been talking about our future lives together for the past 5 years, looking at rings, picking kids names and planning trips together that he would be ready to take the next steps soon. But I guess not.