How long is too long?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2004
How long is too long?
3
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 9:01pm
I am 28 and my boyfriend is 33. I have been dating my boyfriend for four months. Things have been going very well. Because we do not live close to each other and because of our work schedules we are only able to see each on weekends and on occasion every other. We do talk every night, often for long periods of time and are both happy! The sex is good too!

I have recently told him that I love him and instead he has said that he cares deeply for me. Not exactly the response I was hoping for. Anyway, when we were first getting to know each other we discussed not saying the whole "I love you thing" until we really meant it. Now, I do really mean it and am afraid he may never say it! I love his honesty but also fear that i am feeling more for him than he is for me--I hate that feeling!



So the question is how long has it taken other men to say? At what point do you think they really meant it? At what point am I silly to still be in a relationship where I feel more than he does?

Thanks so much for your responses!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 10:49am
there is no way to tell how long it will take him to say it. be glad he was honest enough not say he loved you when it wasn't true. don't put a limit on him. just enjoy the time you spend together. you 2 aren't ever going to feel exactly the same way about each other at the same time.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 11:20am

Of course there are no firm rules on how long it takes for a man to feel ready and able to say I love you. For some men, saying I love you is the same as proposing marriage - it is a statement of ultimate committment. Others say it lightly, others cannot say it even though they may love the woman deeply and show it through their actions. Each man is different as is each relationship. The important point here is that you should feel things are mutual and equal. If you feel more invested and that you care more for him than he does for you, is this only based upon the fact that he can't say I love you, or are there other factors in the relationship making you feel that way? Take some time and explore what's truly going on between the two of you. Four months is still a short time and there is plenty of space between you right now. When things grow slowly and organically, and are not pushed, usually that is best.


After another few months, if things are status quo, and the relationship is not growing, that is plenty of time to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 11:55am
There are no set timeframes; everyone's different. This is not a "man thing." You say you're worried now that he may never say it because he didn't say it after only 4 months?! Take a deep breath and relax. I think you're causing yourself unnessary distress.