I have told him many many many times that i do NOT appreciate being punished for my past and that if he could not handle it then he should have just stopped it when it happened.. not let this continue. He knows i dont have time to talk to anyone because #1- we are together ALOT, and #2- i started a new job that is 42 hrs a week, and #3- all our friends know each other.
But the times that i am home alone, or i want to be alone.. he says i must have better things to do and there are reasons why i dont want him around. Its not fair and i tell him that it makes me feel like im such an awful person but in reality im not. I messed up in the past and i realize this..thats why ive changed and have swore to him that if anything happens he will know right away. HOwever, he doesnt let this happen.. he questions me before i even get a chance. He questions who've ive texted, email, called, IM... atleast 3x a week. I told him it has to stop and i dont need a probahtion officer checking in wth me. He "pretends" to go through my phone.. like he will ask to see my phone so he can check if i have some feature.. but i know hes scrolling through my calls. When i catch him, he says no im not, and it doesnt matter cause you have nothign to hide right.
I have NEVER EVER once gone through his cell. Ive never went through his emails. He was the one who had a gf when we first started dating. He broke up with her because he couldnt take it and wanted to pursue me. So even if i was talking to past flings in the beginning, he was just getting out of long term relationship also.
I dont want us to end because i know we have GREAT potential
Until he's fully past the past, stops punishing you and cares enough about your feelings to honor your need for some alone time, I'm not sure you two can work things out.
As we age we always hope to grow wiser. I see a mistake on both parts - not discussing the intricate nature of relationships, expectations, values, goals, etc.
I really like those 10 rules .. i am going to print them out and make my bf and i discuss them.
As for the past relationships i had..
I think i am stubborn because i live in NY now, and my past is in CA. These guys are NOT around, nor have they ever been. I do not talk to any of my guy friends anymore and my bf knows this. Yet, in the back of his mind he makes himself believe that i am. This is why i get so frustrated because i listen to him and
Welcome to the baord bellanella3,
Sorry you are going through this. He's emotionally/verbally abusing you - alll that badgering, backhanded questions regarding your fidelity.
Thank you for your comment.
I have told him many many many times that i do NOT appreciate being punished for my past and that if he could not handle it then he should have just stopped it when it happened.. not let this continue. He knows i dont have time to talk to anyone because #1- we are together ALOT, and #2- i started a new job that is 42 hrs a week, and #3- all our friends know each other.
But the times that i am home alone, or i want to be alone.. he says i must have better things to do and there are reasons why i dont want him around. Its not fair and i tell him that it makes me feel like im such an awful person but in reality im not. I messed up in the past and i realize this..thats why ive changed and have swore to him that if anything happens he will know right away. HOwever, he doesnt let this happen.. he questions me before i even get a chance. He questions who've ive texted, email, called, IM... atleast 3x a week. I told him it has to stop and i dont need a probahtion officer checking in wth me. He "pretends" to go through my phone.. like he will ask to see my phone so he can check if i have some feature.. but i know hes scrolling through my calls. When i catch him, he says no im not, and it doesnt matter cause you have nothign to hide right.
I have NEVER EVER once gone through his cell. Ive never went through his emails. He was the one who had a gf when we first started dating. He broke up with her because he couldnt take it and wanted to pursue me. So even if i was talking to past flings in the beginning, he was just getting out of long term relationship also.
I dont want us to end because i know we have GREAT potential
Until he's fully past the past, stops punishing you and cares enough about your feelings to honor your need for some alone time, I'm not sure you two can work things out.
As we age we always hope to grow wiser. I see a mistake on both parts - not discussing the intricate nature of relationships, expectations, values, goals, etc.
Thanks for the responses.
I really like those 10 rules .. i am going to print them out and make my bf and i discuss them.
As for the past relationships i had..
I think i am stubborn because i live in NY now, and my past is in CA. These guys are NOT around, nor have they ever been. I do not talk to any of my guy friends anymore and my bf knows this. Yet, in the back of his mind he makes himself believe that i am. This is why i get so frustrated because i listen to him and