how much space is enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
how much space is enough
7
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 12:01pm

We've been dating for 2 years, and recently it seems that the amount of "space" he needs keeps increasing. Its to the point that I can't see how our relationship will survive.


We had lived together for a short time and have talked about love and commitment. All the right things. We have now lived seperately (moral issue) for the past 10 months but have continued dating.


His life consists of work during the week and

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 12:44pm

That wouldn't work for me, that's for sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 12:45pm

Welcome to the board j2911gal,


Three hours a week wouldn't feel right to me either.....


However, I suggest you give him exactly what he wants:


When he asks for space (aka, "a break")

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 1:12pm

Welcome to the board j2911gal,


I agree that I wouldn't be happy with 3 hrs a week either. Have you told him that you really aren't happy with this arraignment?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-03-2007 - 4:49pm
Well, it wouldn't be okay with me either and I'm really surprised you put up with it. Sure he may be committed to you, but he is showing you his definition of commitment. It sounds like "commitment" just means "isn't dating anyone else". You know, you are entitled to a relationship where you feel wanted and appreciated. If he's not giving you enough time, then you have every right to stand up and say "this is unacceptable to me and if it doesn't change, then I can't stay"
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 2:30pm

Well Ladies, Here is a little update... Last weekend was his weekend with his kids, his daughter had a dance recital about 2 hours from here. Where she lives with her mom. Anyhow, I wasn't included. And found out only by asking the normal questions of what hotel, etc are you staying at, did I find out he was staying at his ex's. Now keep in mind she does have a live in boyfriend, but I felt completely betrayed by this. He wouldn't have even told me if I didn't ask.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 3:07pm

:: reversed it to him asking if he'd like me staying at my ex's. And his reply was Well thats different, you wouldn't stay there, he's a stalker. (besides the point...)


The good old double standard.






Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 4:04pm

You're absolutely right. Rather than grow, this rather is falling apart. It's ridiculous for him to think he is having a relationhip when he isn't available on any week-end at all. If he wants so much to be alone, then let him. Whether or not he says he wants to be single, outside of seeing his children, he is actually choosing and living the single life.


You've spent a long time with this man. If by now, things are moving towards more committment, closeness and future plans, you're just wasting your time.


Best wishes,