How much time should you spend together
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How much time should you spend together
| Sun, 06-27-2004 - 3:25pm |
I recently just started dating someone new. We have been together for almost 6 weeks. The first two/three weeks of the relationship were the typical beginning of a relationship. We spent a lot of time together, all of which was great. My guy made a few comments on how we don't have to spend all our time together. That we could go a few days here and there with out seeing each other at all. He was afraid that we would burn out, more so him that me. In my past relationships, I am used to seeing my other half everyday, and he comes from long distant relationships. I took this kind of hard at first. We live 15 minutes from each other, and it is easy to see each other everyday, if only for a few minutes here and there. He mentioned that he thinks that seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week is okay. I really think he literally means seeing me 2 or 3 times a week. This is not enough is he means it in the literal sense. Not just actually hanging out 2 or 3 times a week.
Last week we spent some time apart. I wanted to give him his space. He spent two nights out of the week at my place. We hung out at least three nights, and I had lunch with him two days out of the week, and I saw him about 20 minutes one day. I asked him if this was better, and he said that he thought we would go a day or two without even seeing each other. I really can't do that. It is very hard. I think that we should meet in the middle on this, but I don't even know how he feels. This is very hard for me because I really do like him, but he is very passive and so I can not tell what is going on in his head. I am not really sure what else to do.

When always being there begins to turn into 'smothering' someone...the relationship is headed for trouble!
Hey...it's great to be 15 minutes away from the guy you like, but if YOUR LIFE is taking a back seat to being with this fella...rethink the day-to-day bit! Pianoguy is willing to bet that your constant adoration for your b/f might be "crowding him" a little?
And every man (single or married) needs to have his space to pursue his hobbies or at least watch a movie or sport on TV!
Let the man breathe a little...please????
Pianoguy
You don't need to see eachother every day to make the relationship thrive. Personal space and time is a very important thing and it should be important to you. It's difficult, especially in the beginning, to imagine going 2-3 days without seeing your new heart-throb, and it may take some discipline on your part. You failed to mention any hobbies or friends you like to hang out with. Keep doing those things and make them your #1 priority.
My fiance and I have always had this exact sort of routine. At first we talked on the phone everyday, things were awsome but very quickly we realized that we couldn't possibly devote all that time to eachother. We both have full time jobs (his requires at least 60 hours a week so he gets very exhausted) and we both have our own homes to maintain. So we spend weekends together. He goes home early Sunday afternoon and we keep Sundays for ourselves completely. We talk on the phone Monday and Tuesday nights for about an hour and then on Wednesdays he spends the night again. Thursdays we don't even talk on the phone; it's another day just to ourselves. Sometimes it drives me crazy as I wish I could be with him every second of the day but I also realize that this individualized time away from eachother is a necessity and it helps us to make the most of the time we do spend together. Now we are getting married and building a house together. Pretty soon we'll get to see eacother every day and I look forward to that. But even then, we know we'll need some time away from eachother.
If you don't want to mess things up and this guy is someone you hope to make a permanent part of your life, then give him the space he wants and make the most of the 'you' time that you will be blessed with!
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
At not even 6 weeks, I'd be seeing someone new 2-3 times a week MAX. I need time to myself, not to mention time to see other friends and just live my life!
And your beginning of the r'ship is NOT typical! Typically, I see someone I've just started dating once a week or less!
Sheri