how much is too much...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
how much is too much...
2
Fri, 10-10-2008 - 1:17pm
My boyfriend of 6 years may be an alcoholic and it scares the hell out of me.
He's always liked to drink. We drank together and always had a good time.
We also fell in love and created a life together.
Our drinking weekends weren't all the time but always fun.
Then he started bringing home some beer and had a beer or two after work once in a while. I enjoyed them with him. He worked his ass off at work and I figured why not.
Then I started to gain a lot of weight (well for a girl) and I freaked out and decided that evening beers were a no-no.
He still enjoyed his beers. My friends and family "jokingly" referred to him as an alcoholic. I did too.
But it was always just a drink or two.
Then his life got very stressful and the drinking became every night and not one or two anymore, every night he has at least 4. Now he is drinking to get buzzed.
A couple times I got upset. I told him drinking was no longer fun with him because he was always drinking...and by himself? It is no longer social. He said- don't worry.
After that conversation a couple times, I stopped "seeing" the drinks. This is the scariest part. Now he isn't drinking in front of me, but I know he is drinking. I see the beer cans stacking up in the garage. I smell it on him. I know him. I've been with him for 6 years damnit. I know when he is drinking.
We got a car, and I thought that would end his nightly drinking, since he can't drive..(that was a cause of most of his stress)
But the drinking continues.
I'm scared and worried for the future. He isn't dangerous or out of control anymore but he is definitely not stopping.
I don't want to be with an alcoholic. We have had enough of our problems over the years that we are trying to deal with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 10-10-2008 - 3:16pm

Welcome to the board anon_love,


Have you sought out some Al-Anon meetings?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-10-2008 - 4:05pm

As you know alcoholism is an illness and a serious one. The only way it can be cured is for the person to first acknowledge that he has a problem, not to hide it from himself and others as well. You cannot cure him. He has to want to tackle his drinking. Until he does, there is nothing you can do to make him do this. What you can do is take a good, long look at the situation and let him know that unless he deals with this, it's not a relationship you want to stay in. And then, if he doesn't help himself, it's up to you to make a choice that's healthy for yourself.


Best wishes,