How nuts am I???
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How nuts am I???
| Fri, 04-16-2004 - 5:36pm |
I am a widow and have been seeing a man for almost 2 years. We practically live together but he still has his own apartment. He is abnormally jealous and breaks up with me almost every 2 weeks. He accuses me of being unfaithful and says terrible things to me. I can't go anywhere with him because he says I am looking at a man and we have to leave. Last night he left me because he says I am sleeping with my daughters boyfriends...both of them!!! Every time we break up he calls and says he is sorry and sounds and looks really pitiful. He says it will never happen again, but it always does. He has had problems in the past with women cheating on him, but now I don't even know if that is true or not. How do I get the strength to stay away from him?

How do you feel when he makes these crazy accusations and dumps you? How long do these break-ups typically last? Do your children like this man?
So far all I can say is it's a great thing he still has his own place. I think you know you need to stay away from him and that he is no good for you.
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi
From my point of view, it seems that your man is emotionally abusing you. I know that it's hard to refuse him when he apologizes, but this emotional abuse could lead to physical abuse. You said that "He has had problems in the past with women cheating on him, but now I don't even know if that is true or not." I don't know why you should take that into consideration because there are so many other signs that tell you to get out, and fast. Good luck.
My relationship with my husband was good, we were married for 20 years. He died of a heart attack, but he was sick for quite awhile before he died. I found him on the bedroom floor. After he died it took me awhile, but I adjusted to his death. I had no intention of ever going out with another man. I am not into the club scene and I felt fullfilled with my family. Three years after my husband died, I met Manny at a party at work and he found out I was a widow and asked me out. I said no at first, but my daughters convinced me to go. We hit it off pretty quickly and he was in love with me right away. The jealousy started pretty early, he was always accusing me of looking at men wherever we went. I had a plumber (ugly guy) doing work in the house and he accused me of trying to provoke him. My son had a party and 10 minutes into the party he was ranting and raving and told me to sleep with my son's roommate and his mother because he thought she was looking at me too. I could go on and on, but the latest is that he thinks I am fooling around with both my daughters boyfriends. My kids don't like him but accept my decision to be with him.
My mother died a few months after my relationship began and I think that may be one of the reasons I have held on to him for so long.
He has packed up his bags so many times I have lost count. I just can't take it anymore, my stomach is in knots.
honey, i am sorry for all your losses, i know how hard it is to lose a parent, and i understand that you had a good marriage for a long time...
this man is plain sick. the longer you stay with him - the harder it is for you to get out. you KNOW he is sick, you KNOW he is bad for you, and yet you are still 'wondering'. if you can't walk away - then get help - ask your friends to help you, get to a therapist, something - but STAY AWAY FROM HIM. that's all i can say....
good luck
Now, just by reading your story on how you met and became involved with your boyfriend I am suspecting that he sought your vulnerability through having been widowed. And did you tell you he fell in love with you right away? Do you know his family? Do you know about any of his ex's? I'm looking for a pattern here with him.
Now, I want you to dig real deep here and try to come up with an honest answer to this question: Why do you take him back?
What does he say to talk you back into a relationship? And I also want to know how it makes you feel when he makes those accusations and then leaves. How do you feel when you are apart? Are you relieved? Are you broken up? Devasted and desperate to have him back? Does he frighten you? Does he make an effort to get along with your children?
Now, personally speaking, I highly recommend you listen to what your children have to say here. I'm assuming they are all young adults, right? And because they're your children you may feel that they don't understand and aren't justified in their thoughts and opinions regarding your relationship with this man. Afterall, maybe you don't want to be alone. Perhaps you want to be happy and it may seem your kids telling you not to be with this man means that they don't want you to be happy? Does that sound at all right?
When I was 20 my mom met this guy and they got serious quick! She and my dad had been divorced since I was 13 and she didn't date anyone until she met this guy. Right away me and my siblings could see that he was no good for her. We tried to talk to her about it but she told us that we are just kids and we don't know what we are talking about. She went on to say that she is 40 years old and deserves to be happy. She failed to realize that is exactly what we wanted for her to and we knew she wasn't gonna find it in this man. She refused to listen. She wanted what she wanted. She made the mistake of marrying him four months after meeting. He became emotionally and verbally abusive. He's VERY mean to her. She got pregnant right after the wedding and now, eleven years later she is still with this man...very unhappily. She has since admitted that us kids were right about him and how she wishes she would have stopped and listened to what we had to say.
My point in sharing this story with you is to point out that our children have great instincts where us parents may not. Listen to them. Confide in them and let them help guide you through this. They may be young but they are smart and they love you and want what is best for you. Don't disregard how they feel about your being with this man. Perhaps you can draw the strength you need to leave him for good with the love and support of your children!
Jennifer
"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi