how often is healthy/unhealthy 2 fight

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2004
how often is healthy/unhealthy 2 fight
2
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 10:29pm


Question:

How many times in a week or month would it be considered unhealthy to have fights with your boyfriend/girlfriend....?

Thanks in advance

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 5:23am
I don't think the number of fights is so much an issue as the way you fight. If you are using positive communication it is good. But if you are using negative communication - such as name-calling, yelling, personal attacks on character or physical abuse then it is not not not good.

Relationships require honesty and boundary setting to remain intimate and successful. This is always bound to bring friction. But if you can both focus on solving the problem and behavior, instead of attacking the person, then you can learn to work things out and become stronger.

You will have to give us more examples of what and how you are fighting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 1:03pm
Having fights is one of the least productive ways to problem solve. Discussing differences in a calm manner by truly communicating and verbalizing our emotions rather than acting out our feelings is more conducive to a fulfilling relationship. Not to say that on occasion we all don't throw a tantrum, but if the majority of our problem solving is done using good communication techniques, and emotional outbursts kept to a minimum, I would say that would be a fairly healthy relationship. The importance is placed on learning from the fight, improving communication to prevent it from getting to that point on a regular basis, to forgive, and to move on.

Personally, I wouldn't have pursued a relaitonship with DH if we had not been able to communicate effectively enough to avoid having fights on a weekly or monthly basis. Having an emotional outburst once a year is more our speed...