How to put it in the past?
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How to put it in the past?
| Mon, 03-08-2004 - 3:26pm |
I know that there are people on here that have had alot bigger problems than I'm having but I do need some advice on how to let some things from the past go before I walk away from a terrific man. My DH is wonderful. He's kind, romantic, thoughtful, and a fantastic father. I really couldn't ask for anything better. We've been married for over 5 years, have a great sex life and people that see us usually comment on the fact that we act newly married after all these years. My Problem is inside me. In the beginning of our relationship my DH made a few bad decisions and I can't seem to let them go. One of the things that bothered me the most was that he talked about him and his ex's sex life. He says now that he done it to impress me and I don't doubt that because I was more experienced than him and I guess he didn't want to seem stupid anyways the things he told me then, didn't bother me but have grown over the years to where they really bother me alot now. it wasn't anything great either just that they had sex alot. SO now my problem is that when we don't have sex alot or I'm wanting it and he isn't then that flashes back into my mind and I feel rejected and devestated. I have seriously considered leaving just to try and make the thoughts go away. This stuff really plagues me constantly. I do know that it has alot to do with my self-esteem ( I have none) I was newly out of a physically abusive marriage when I met my current DH, he was like my knight in shining armour! I also know that his ex was alot thinner than me and prettier than me. They dated for 3 years and his family loved her. Unfortunately his family wishes he had married her instead of me, they hate me. That's another one of the things that bother me. His family has a tendency to be really mean to me and my DD (from another marriage) and I felt like he should put them in their place but he never did. His mom even begged him (in front of me) to divorce me saying she would tell the cops I was crazy so he could get the kids! He didn't take up for me and it's never been the same ever since. It took me packing my stuff and almost leaving for him to realize that he should take up for me. I've never forgave him for that and I really want to. I never want to be without this man, I love him dearly and there have been tons of great times between us over the years but when I start to think about these things It makes me want to leave to make the pain go away. People tell me all the time how lucky I am to have a man like him but he never gets told that he's lucky and I guess I'm afraid he will realize he's not one day and leave. How do I deal with this stuff to put it in the past and leave it there for good? How to make my head realize what my heart already knows, that my DH is totally in love with me and only me! I just can't fight these thoughts anymore
thanks
thanks

Also find something to do with your time - something that fills you up, sings to your soul, makes you feel good as a person, something you've always wanted to do or learn about, etc.
Reading list:
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
The Magic of Thinking Big, David J. Schwartz
Self Matters, Phil McGraw
The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz
Who Moved My Cheese? Spencer Johnson
One Minute for Myself, Spencer Johnson
My best to you.
Carrie