How to win her back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
How to win her back...
45
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 6:17pm
I have been going out with this woman for 5 years. However before our break up which was about couple of months ago, we were having so troubles. Actually I was making troubles up in order to give myself a little freedom. In the end I ended up cheating on her with a couple of girls, but I did not have sex with anyone else. It was just flirting and kissing. She found out and completely lost it. Although we did speak for a while after the break up as if we were still going out but I guess that was just because it was fresh and also because she probably didn't believe it right away. But as time went by she spoke to me less and less and now she doesn't want to talk to me. I know she still loves me and that she is so hurt and mostly betrayed and feels very played. But the truth is I didn't play her and I love her more than anything in this world. I explained to her that I regret everything and wish it never happened many times. I tell her I love her over and over again, and I even brought her flowers a few times. People give advice that I should give her space and not talk to her but they also say that when the girl breaks up with the man because of other reasons and that the man can't act so desperate. But I find that this is different because I did something wrong and I caused this so all I feel is that I have the responsibility to make things better and excuse myself as much as I can. I don't know if this is healthy or right thing to do to get her back. I want to marry this woman and I know it sounds cliche but I have fallen so much more in love with her after everything that happened, and I have told her that and she freaks out thinking I never loved her in the first place. I want this woman to be my wife and I want o raise a family with this woman. Please help shed some light on this situation. I don't know the steps I have to take to win back her heart and her trust. Thank you and greatly appreciated...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 7:06pm

"In the end I ended up cheating on her with a couple of girls"
...
"But the truth is I didn't play her"

Read those two statements of yours over again and tell me if this makes sense.

Leave her alone and let her get over you, don't barge your way back into her life - you're not thinking about what she wants, only what YOU want. Let her go. Find another woman. By continually harassing your ex to take you back, you're not proving your love for her, you're proving how selfish you are. What she wants is to be away from you, and I think you should respect that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 7:28pm
what I meant by " i wasn't playing her" is that I made mistakes but i never once doubted my love for her. It was just a long time i guess and i was influenced by some friends and of course we were going through some little troubles.all this happened in a span of less than 3 months. I know i made a mistake and i understand it was completely wrong. So what you are telling me is that i have to forget about someone I love more than life... someone i would do anything for and go to the end of the world for because i messed up...? Can't it not be that i learned my lesson and truly regret what i did. Or is it that every woman thinks the same, that once a cheater always a cheater.The last thing i ever want to do is hurt her again, in anyway. I know i want to be with her and marry her. I am sooo sorry for what i did that i keeping wondering what exactly was going through my mind when i was in that state.I wouldn't be in desperate need of help and writing to try to find a solution if this wasn't important to me. I love this girl and yes i WANT her back only because I AM IN LOVE WITH HER... please give advice...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 7:28pm

Man do you sound like my ex fiance.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 7:30pm

"i never once doubted my love for her. "


Yes you did.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 7:37pm
ok obviously this sounds as though im jealous that she is no longer mine and because of that i want her back. But i have been with her for 5 years not 5 months. I truly love this woman and i made a mistake... thats all it was a mistake that i regret... i was out having fun maybe a drink to many, and with friends that were around not exactly helping the situation. I can't even believe it myself. But i don't want her back because i don't have her, i want her back because i love her. She is everything to me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 8:18pm
What changed since the break up?

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 8:41pm
ok I don't know why u are saying that I didn't want her when we were together... I was with her for 5 years and I have loved throughout all that time. I just messed up... it might have been a few things stressing going on in my life going out drinking peer pressure and I slipped. And now I REGRET IT I did right after for that matter. I was in shock and scared of loosing her right after. I love this woman and im not making up excuses and missing what I dont have anymore. I truly love this woman and regret what I did, it is that simple. Can't it be possible that it was simply a mistake and I am sorry for that mistake. The replies make it seem as though once u mess up it's all over and you have become a cheater and a worthless man when it come to loving your woman. May I recall I did never have any sexual relations with anyone.( I am not using this as an excuse to make it sound less bad, because I realize that it is still very bad and its the point of being betrayed and and not being trustworthy) but the replies make it sound as though I messed up real bad and that there is absolutely no chance or that she shouldn't give me another chance. I love her and shes my life. I really want to get her back and I dont know the steps I should take to begin this process....How should i approach herand what i can do to help make things better...I love her and she loves me and our future and lives cannot be altered and determined in this mistake... can anyone please help me with this, to make her some how forgive me and understand how much I regret it and once again regain trust in me... thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 8:48pm

Welcome to the board francesco10,


I'm going to give you a whole lot to think about.....


::Actually I was making troubles up in order to give myself a little freedom. In the end I ended up cheating on her with a couple of girls, but I did not have sex with anyone else. It was just flirting and kissing.


From your subsequent posts, ONE time could be considered a mistake, but 'a couple' sorry it's deeper than just making a mistake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 9:25pm
I was looking for advice to try to get her back but I keep getting judgmental replies... I will continue to try to explain myself... it was about 3 months before we broke up that all this was happening... I was wrongly influenced by some friends... going out constantly and having a little too much to drink... I had just finished my studies and I don't know how to explain it but I f**cked up I know and acknowledge that...I wanted freedom maybe because I was stressed from school or something and I needed a time with less pressure im not sure but I did not want freedom in order to get with other girls... its something that just happened and that I wish never had the second I did it. I REGRET IT... why does everyone make it sound as though it is impossible to regret something like this...? I am trying everything talking to her explaining my self surprising her bringing her flowers yes... I know nothing will cut it... thats why I came here in the first place to see if there is anything I can do to help me...everyone here is more interested in judging me and categorizing me as a cheater and that stereotype and I don't know if many people have gone through some really bad times with cheaters which im sorry for, but I am not a cheater... I made a bad mistake but I for no instance consider my self a cheater... I can't believe this happened it was totally out of the blue and a big mistake...and no I have no excuse for cheating I know it happened and it was my mistake...im not making up excuses... you are probably right that I made things worst by telling her I have fallen more in love with you... but I guess I meat saying that it made me realize how stupid I was and how much u really mean to me... listen I made a mistake and learned from it... isn't that a GOOD thing in all this bad.... instead of comparing me to the stereotype image of a cheater that everyone has in their mind..." once a cheater... always a cheater..."...! and I have not bought a ring yet but was planning to get married within the next year or two... I would greatly appreciate if someone can please help me in getting her back pleaseeee... if someone might know how to approach this situation and win her back...I know it will not be easy but i am ready to do anything...I have explained my self throughly now and I would like some advice in moving ahead and attempting to get back with her...please...Thank you
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 9:33pm
You can't get someone back that doesn't want to get back with you.

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