How to win her back...
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How to win her back...
| Tue, 10-30-2007 - 6:17pm |
I have been going out with this woman for 5 years. However before our break up which was about couple of months ago, we were having so troubles. Actually I was making troubles up in order to give myself a little freedom. In the end I ended up cheating on her with a couple of girls, but I did not have sex with anyone else. It was just flirting and kissing. She found out and completely lost it. Although we did speak for a while after the break up as if we were still going out but I guess that was just because it was fresh and also because she probably didn't believe it right away. But as time went by she spoke to me less and less and now she doesn't want to talk to me. I know she still loves me and that she is so hurt and mostly betrayed and feels very played. But the truth is I didn't play her and I love her more than anything in this world. I explained to her that I regret everything and wish it never happened many times. I tell her I love her over and over again, and I even brought her flowers a few times. People give advice that I should give her space and not talk to her but they also say that when the girl breaks up with the man because of other reasons and that the man can't act so desperate. But I find that this is different because I did something wrong and I caused this so all I feel is that I have the responsibility to make things better and excuse myself as much as I can. I don't know if this is healthy or right thing to do to get her back. I want to marry this woman and I know it sounds cliche but I have fallen so much more in love with her after everything that happened, and I have told her that and she freaks out thinking I never loved her in the first place. I want this woman to be my wife and I want o raise a family with this woman. Please help shed some light on this situation. I don't know the steps I have to take to win back her heart and her trust. Thank you and greatly appreciated...

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But that's just it--you didn't make a "mistake", you consciously
You should have thought about the value of your 5 year relationship before you decided to explore your freedom. You just made your life that much harder, because now, you really have to work to get her trust back. It's going to be a long road back to what you had, and that's only IF she wants you back.
I recommend writing her a letter, telling her that:
a) you take FULL responsibility for your actions (ie. admit that you were stupid for jeopardizing a relationship that meant so much to you for so long)
b) you love her deeply and what you hope your future will be like. Tell her that, while you understand that she doesn't trust you now, that you would like to regain her trust, but need to know from her, how best to achieve that
c) you would like to explore couples counseling (if she says she would like to do this, you are OBLIGED to do this)
d) send the letter and MAKE NO FURTHER CONTACT! Let HER find YOU.
Good luck and don't make such dumb decisions next time.
Have you considered that maybe not trying to win her back, like someone who is selfish and is focused on what HE wants, is the best way to show her that you respect her?
Yeah yeah you hate being judged but you're not quite listening to the replies you're getting.
I keep saying that because when you were with her, you made excuses to cheat on her.
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes
OK, here goes nothing...
Francesco, I'm not going to judge you for cheating.
Her friends are trying to protect her.
It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes
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