How to win her back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
How to win her back...
45
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 6:17pm
I have been going out with this woman for 5 years. However before our break up which was about couple of months ago, we were having so troubles. Actually I was making troubles up in order to give myself a little freedom. In the end I ended up cheating on her with a couple of girls, but I did not have sex with anyone else. It was just flirting and kissing. She found out and completely lost it. Although we did speak for a while after the break up as if we were still going out but I guess that was just because it was fresh and also because she probably didn't believe it right away. But as time went by she spoke to me less and less and now she doesn't want to talk to me. I know she still loves me and that she is so hurt and mostly betrayed and feels very played. But the truth is I didn't play her and I love her more than anything in this world. I explained to her that I regret everything and wish it never happened many times. I tell her I love her over and over again, and I even brought her flowers a few times. People give advice that I should give her space and not talk to her but they also say that when the girl breaks up with the man because of other reasons and that the man can't act so desperate. But I find that this is different because I did something wrong and I caused this so all I feel is that I have the responsibility to make things better and excuse myself as much as I can. I don't know if this is healthy or right thing to do to get her back. I want to marry this woman and I know it sounds cliche but I have fallen so much more in love with her after everything that happened, and I have told her that and she freaks out thinking I never loved her in the first place. I want this woman to be my wife and I want o raise a family with this woman. Please help shed some light on this situation. I don't know the steps I have to take to win back her heart and her trust. Thank you and greatly appreciated...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 9:40pm

But that's just it--you didn't make a "mistake", you consciously

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 10:02pm
these replies help alot more... thank you... the thing im having trouble understanding is how am i suppose to show her that these things will never happen again and how much i am sorry for the pain i have caused and of course that i love her if i am suppose to keep away and give her space... i mean won't she think that i don't really care or that i don't really love her... wouldn't she think that if im not putting in effort to try to get her back that i never really cared about all this... im soo confused... and im so hurt for loosing her and also for hurting her...and i also feel like i owe her so much of everything... i love her so muchhhh...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 11:40pm
If you have the opportunity to speak to her one more time you can tell her and cover the stuff in both mine and Sheri's post.... if not, you can write a letter and mail it.





iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 1:56am

You should have thought about the value of your 5 year relationship before you decided to explore your freedom. You just made your life that much harder, because now, you really have to work to get her trust back. It's going to be a long road back to what you had, and that's only IF she wants you back.

I recommend writing her a letter, telling her that:
a) you take FULL responsibility for your actions (ie. admit that you were stupid for jeopardizing a relationship that meant so much to you for so long)
b) you love her deeply and what you hope your future will be like. Tell her that, while you understand that she doesn't trust you now, that you would like to regain her trust, but need to know from her, how best to achieve that
c) you would like to explore couples counseling (if she says she would like to do this, you are OBLIGED to do this)
d) send the letter and MAKE NO FURTHER CONTACT! Let HER find YOU.

Good luck and don't make such dumb decisions next time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 7:21am

Have you considered that maybe not trying to win her back, like someone who is selfish and is focused on what HE wants, is the best way to show her that you respect her?

Yeah yeah you hate being judged but you're not quite listening to the replies you're getting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:27am

I keep saying that because when you were with her, you made excuses to cheat on her.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 1:58pm

OK, here goes nothing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 5:15pm

Francesco, I'm not going to judge you for cheating.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 8:36pm
your messages are helping some what...the thing is that we still spoke ( awkwardly ) for a few weeks after the break up and i was trying everything to make it up to her and i cannot say it was working but i could say that she truly believes that i am sorry and regret it... however because of the break up she gained a lot more free time and then of course her friends come into he picture which totally screwed up all the chances i had... they take her out and make her forget( i guess they are good friends for that... thats what they should be doing) but i know that they keep pushing her away from me... an example would be when i brought her roses and surprised her at her work in front of her co-workers... as i walked in she was on her break and she was on the phone with one of her friends( which hates me now) and as she saw me she was like OMG! ( embarrassed of course) and i heard say " ok i got to go" and hung up... she was happy... smiled and even looked at me and said thank you... we spoke for a while about other things and im not saying that changed how she felt but i could feel that she knows im sorry... the thing is is that while we were talking her friend kept calling back and my ex had to answer a few times and said my ex is here... my ex brought me flowers ect... i could here her on the phone screaming and telling her to make me leave and this and that... long story short her friends keep her away from me even though i can sense a little bit that she would at least try to keep talking and see how things go... my ex girlfriend knows i am deeply in love with as i have proved it to her over 5 years... she knows... i know she knows... but her friends are ruining every chance... how to i get around this... i know that most of you will say that if she wants to get back she will no matter who tells her not to... but i am in the wrong here and they make her feel as though these feelings she feels are normal and that she has to ignore them... they keep her away... its been like this lately...shes even scared to answer the phone when i call and shes around her friends...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 9:15pm

Her friends are trying to protect her.

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes