How to win her back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
How to win her back...
45
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 6:17pm
I have been going out with this woman for 5 years. However before our break up which was about couple of months ago, we were having so troubles. Actually I was making troubles up in order to give myself a little freedom. In the end I ended up cheating on her with a couple of girls, but I did not have sex with anyone else. It was just flirting and kissing. She found out and completely lost it. Although we did speak for a while after the break up as if we were still going out but I guess that was just because it was fresh and also because she probably didn't believe it right away. But as time went by she spoke to me less and less and now she doesn't want to talk to me. I know she still loves me and that she is so hurt and mostly betrayed and feels very played. But the truth is I didn't play her and I love her more than anything in this world. I explained to her that I regret everything and wish it never happened many times. I tell her I love her over and over again, and I even brought her flowers a few times. People give advice that I should give her space and not talk to her but they also say that when the girl breaks up with the man because of other reasons and that the man can't act so desperate. But I find that this is different because I did something wrong and I caused this so all I feel is that I have the responsibility to make things better and excuse myself as much as I can. I don't know if this is healthy or right thing to do to get her back. I want to marry this woman and I know it sounds cliche but I have fallen so much more in love with her after everything that happened, and I have told her that and she freaks out thinking I never loved her in the first place. I want this woman to be my wife and I want o raise a family with this woman. Please help shed some light on this situation. I don't know the steps I have to take to win back her heart and her trust. Thank you and greatly appreciated...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 12:04am

I agree with relationship 2.0 on all points in this post. Yes, her friends are doing what friends do.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 6:06pm

First off, I am not going to lecture or judge. I was cheated on. So I am going to give you some insight to what we went through.


At first we talked but I kept my distance. Then for 2-3 months I didn't want to speak to him, I went out a lot and hung out with my friends. Against all of my friends and family I went back to him. (Going back is VERY hard because you know if it happens again it's your fault for not knowing better.)


I did not trust him at all. Since he lied to me I doubted everything he had ever told me. Now, how to get past that.... You HAVE TO swallow all pride, if she comes back to you. You have to always let her know where you're at, what you're doing... etc. She will probably want to have every minute of your day accounted for. You will basically be on lock down. She will hate even having to do this but it will help her gain her security in your relationship. I would suggest you two also go to counseling together. After a while (each person is different and there is no time period as to how long it will take) as her trust in you starts to build, the lock down will slowly ease up. I hope this helps.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 6:44pm
Welcome to the board cheri800 and thanks for sharing your insight and participating.





iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 7:57pm

Ok... i didn't write yesterday because i had a horrible day... i went to my ex's house and we spoke about everything again... we cried and hugged each other... this went on for about 2 hours... then she brings it up again that she needs her space... soo i said ok... i understand... i will give it to you... and we said good bye and i left... the thing is is that its killing me so much not being able to talk to her and be with her...im so scared that this space she needs will only separate us forever...

CL'ITWINFLAME: this is the same thing... its a couple of months were broken up and at first we spoke and everything was a little awkward... but atleast we spoke and it seemed like it was going in positive direction... then all of a sudden... BANG... she tells me i need space and don't want to talk... why the sudden change and why not at the beginning...

She is my life and im soo scared to loose her... her friends are obviously ruining every chance we have and they soo push her to get with other guys and it kills me inside... i can't even function... im totally ruined...i don't know if theres anything i can do... but its totally out of my control...and i feel so helpless... i pray every day for us to be together...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 8:46pm

Francesco, I mentioned in an earlier post that you seem to believe she's very easy to manipulate.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 5:37am

"she tells me i need space and don't want to talk... why the sudden change and why not at the beginning... "


The first reaction, when you've been betrayed,

It is not enough to have a good mind.  The main thing is to use it well.-- Rene Descartes

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 1:19pm

::CL'ITWINFLAME: this is the same thing... its a couple of months were broken up and at first we spoke and everything was a little awkward... but atleast we spoke and it seemed like it was going in positive direction... then all of a sudden... BANG... she tells me i need space and don't want to talk... why the sudden change and why not at the beginning...


I agree with relationship2.0 - it is about denial and shock.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Mon, 11-12-2007 - 8:01pm
Wow soo i havent written here in a while... i listen to everyones comments and soo i decided to give her space... but i ended things with a little twist... i explained to my ex gf that if she wanted space thats what she will get... but that i won't wait around crying for her anymore... that i couldnt do it and didnt want to anymore...( which is totally a lie cause that's all i have been doing these days)... and i felt a little different feeling on the phone when i told her that with a little more GUTS...!!!... and what do you know... 3 days later she called ME...!!!... she hasnt called me in over a month... i have always called her... i acted smooth and told her i was going to the gym and if she wanted to call me back later... but now i dont know what to do... I mean i don't understand why now she wants to talk again and soo soon... and why does she want to play this game... cause it is a game... i chase her she pushes me ... now i puch her she calls me... i don't want to play games with her... i want to get her back by telling her how i feel truthfully... but that pushes her away... now im ( kinds of lieing , pretending i dont care... and she calls me...???) whats up with that... and what do i do... do i continue acting less worried... Will she think i already moved on... which i DIDINT... and soo shell think i wasnt saying the truth about anything... wow women are soo confusing... please help asap... as i have a feeling she will call later tonight... thank you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 11-13-2007 - 12:42pm

Hi francesco,


Did she call?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2007
Thu, 11-15-2007 - 12:23am
ok so yes she did call and it did not go as planed... She kept telling me that we shouldn't talk and leave each other alone ... ECT... But i was like is she losing her mind... I didnt call her in 3 days and then she calls me... To tell me to leave her alone again... Ohhh yaaaa this is a good one... She first called for directions to a place... Wat is going on...? Then tells me to leave her alone... Wtv... So I let it go for that day... But yesterday it bugged me... Soo I decided to call her up... And asked wars going on... Then i asked her if she wanted to have lunch the next day, which was today, since we were both off on the same day during the week for once... She obviously thought I was crazy asking... But after to talking into and maybe a little push she said ok... So we went and had a great time... Even though she still tells me she doesnt want to talk... I don't understand whats going on here... None the less we had a great time... But I'm confused because i know she would love to atleast try to see how things would go but theres something stopping her... As i was driving her to her car... At an intersection dont we her best friends boyfriend which is also my friend... So I wanted to roll down the window to say hi...she freaks out and orders me to not catch his attention... I quickly caught on and realize that she doesnt want her friends to know or any one of that mater that she was with me... I'm 100%sure that her friends are the reason she is holding back so much... Whether her friends are telling her to stay away or not I don't know but I know she doesnt want them to know... Wat is going on and what can I do to help this situation... This feels so childish... And I'm fed up of playing games... Why does this bother her so much...