Hubby keeps walking out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Hubby keeps walking out!
3
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 11:52pm
This is so frustrating! My husband and I have been married for 4 year and have 2 daughters (1 & 2) and I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage 14 & 19. Up until this point our marriage has been great. After the birth of our 4th daughter we agreed I should quit my job and stay home with the kids. The oldest is off to College and #3 is starting high school this year. We have never had any problems communicating until now.

In July, my hubby went back to school to get a second bachlors degree. His company wanted him to do the University of Phoenix online classes to fit his schedule. Ok, I had no problem with that. He is now in the second round of classes and a complete bear to live with! The best part of this...he doesn't see it. He says I am the one being the "frecking bitch" among other interesting things. All this because we get into an arguement over a grocery list.

Now mind you, he has never spoken to me that way before. I was completely hurt and have gone into this depressed state that I just can't seem to shake myself out of. It hurt me to the core. Also, during the middle of our talk, he walked out to have a smoke. He didn't say "excuse me" or "be right back" or anything...just walked out. Like I was supposed to follow him or wait until he deceided to come back? I don't think so. I was so upset I just went to bed.

I have busted my ass for everyone in this house and put myself dead last. No one appreciates it or even notices it. On Monday, I borrowed my dad's new truck, moved my oldest daughter up to school (2 hours away) loaded & unloaded the truck by myself (with 4 blown discs) lofted her furniture, and put her futon together. I left here at 9am and didn't get home until 11:30pm. Did I even get a frecking "thanks mom"? No, instead I came home to a trashed house and a husband who says "maybe you should go get a frecking job". HELLO! I did have a very well paying career that I gave up because HE said it would be TOO EXPENSIVE to put 2 young children in daycare! I should have known better.

Why are men like this? They say women are moody, get real and look in the mirror! I did not deserve his verbal abuse. Its one thing to be angry at someone, but you don't have to be verbally abusive....ever! I am so hurt I don't know how I am going to be able to get over this. He refuses to talk about it. Anytime I try and talk about it he says I am "attacking" him. I'm not even raising my voice, I just want to have a civil conversation, and he wont do that. Is that so much to ask for?

This bothers me so much I haven't even been able to function. I've eatin very little in a week because I feel like I'm going to get sick, I don't want to answer the phone or talk to friends, I can't do anything. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep. If it weren't for the kids I would. Please help.

Chris
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:51am
It sounds like a bad fight to me, one you can get over. Maybe he is working way too hard. Sounds like it to me. Just make up with him and go on with the good marriage. Give him a big hug, he is working to improve himself so he can support you guys. Who is appreciating him? You had two more kids and now he needs to make more money to pay that extra $1000.00 per month it takes to pay for those kids for the next 15-20 years.

Be happy you can stay at home taking care of the kids and he is working so hard. Now go give him a hug, kiss him, and tell him how much you love and appreciate him for how hard he is working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 8:32am

Sounds like somewhere in all the hustle and bustle you both forgot about whats inportant...your sanity. You both have too much on your plates right now and have forgotten how to be a sucessful couple like it sounds you once were. Beleive it or not, before you can give anything to your children as parents, you have to make time for yourselves as a couple.


Im sure you daughter totally appreciated the fact that you took the time to move her in, but...being a teenager and all the other excitment of the day, she forgot to let you know....


Your husband has a lot going on also...not to make excuses, this is a team effort, but you both need to sit down and make a plan. Who will do what day...and dont forget to set a nigh out every couple weeks to have a "date".


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Sat, 08-28-2004 - 1:44pm
Yes of course your right, its just so hard to reason with anger. He always seems to be in such a bad mood these days. I know he is stressed out between work and the extra class load, but I feel like the maid/nanny here. It would have been much easier if the kids had been a little older before he took all this on. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.