Hubby problems
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Hubby problems
| Fri, 07-02-2004 - 2:09am |
Hi everyone, I need really some advice. I have a 3 year old son and due with #2 at the end of November. First off, I have some questions that I'd like to ask the girlfriends/wifes.
How often does your BF/DH go out with his friends?
Does he usually let you know when he's going to be back?
Would he rather spend time with his friends on the weekend instead of the family?
My DH would rather spend his Friday/Saturday nights drinking with his friends (who are all single by the way). I'm trying to come to some sort of a compromise since I can't drink or go to the places I used to before we got pregnant. He doesn't seem to understand that we got pregnant together and he should give up some things since I have no choice but to. He also thinks it's okay to go out til 2am (sometimes later! Once he was out til 6am and didn't even call!) while his son and pregnant wife stay home. I know that everyone needs time with friends, but EVERY weekend being out past 2am! He still thinks he can live the life of a single guy. Sometimes I have to remind him that he's 30, not 18!
Am I overreacting? I just feel that he doesn't seem to realize what women go through when they're pregnant and sometimes we'd like our BF/DH home on the weekend. He says that I'm being controlling and selfish. But I feel that he's not being a responsible family man. Thanks for listening everyone :)
How often does your BF/DH go out with his friends?
Does he usually let you know when he's going to be back?
Would he rather spend time with his friends on the weekend instead of the family?
My DH would rather spend his Friday/Saturday nights drinking with his friends (who are all single by the way). I'm trying to come to some sort of a compromise since I can't drink or go to the places I used to before we got pregnant. He doesn't seem to understand that we got pregnant together and he should give up some things since I have no choice but to. He also thinks it's okay to go out til 2am (sometimes later! Once he was out til 6am and didn't even call!) while his son and pregnant wife stay home. I know that everyone needs time with friends, but EVERY weekend being out past 2am! He still thinks he can live the life of a single guy. Sometimes I have to remind him that he's 30, not 18!
Am I overreacting? I just feel that he doesn't seem to realize what women go through when they're pregnant and sometimes we'd like our BF/DH home on the weekend. He says that I'm being controlling and selfish. But I feel that he's not being a responsible family man. Thanks for listening everyone :)

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Both of your lives changed when you married each other. He can't run around acting like an a..hole frat boy when he has a pregnant wife and child at home. He has not only financial responsibilities to you, but emotional ones as well.
My husband of 21 years never goes out drinking anywhere, but he goes golfing once a week with male friends.
He always has the COURTESY to let me know when he will return. I extend the same courtesy to him.
He looks forward to time with me and our three children. As a matter of fact, he always arranges his weekly golf game at 5:30 A.M. so he can be home with us for breakfast.
Don't let your husband turn this issue around and make it YOUR problem. Your gut is telling you that your husband is immature, and you're right.
How sad for you. If he's going out with the 'boys' every weekend, hmm, he isn't spending any 'family' time with his family. He's not making you a priority or his child(ren). He wants to go out and play with his single friends, have fun, drink, and if he's not coming home until 6am ocassionally, I'd wonder whose bed he was in, but that's just me.
If he wants to act single, he may as well be single. There isn't much of a compromise here. He wants what he wants (can you hear and visualize the 2-yr old having a tantrum) and you are the 'mean-ol'-mommy' that wants to stop him for having his fun. He is immature.
You are not controlling. You are NOT selfish. He's SELFISH and he'll say and do anything to justify his behavior and to keep doing exactly what he wants.
I suggest two things, 1) couples counseling ASAP and/or print out your post and our responses and he can here it in stereo from strangers. Not that any of this will get him to see the error of his thinking (and justification) because again, he wants to do what he wants without being supportive of you, without the responsibilities of marriage, pregnancy, etc. How sad for you.
Carrie
I don't think one night of the week is excessive for a husband to spend with his friends. In fact, why don't you pick a different night of the week that he stays home with
Anyway, when a pregnant mother is home with a toddler, she needs relief. You can't imagine the exhaustion of tending to a busy little one when you're as big as a whale and your feet and ankles are swollen. When husband walks through the door, its like "thank God, now help me!" For the next few years he needs to have his wife and children as #1 priority. He needs to be with them as much as possible. There will be plenty of time when the children are older for him to play with his friends.
It's a sad marriage that doesn't allow for individuality and time spent seperately with friends. If that's what society expects of a mom and dad, to give up their friendships altogether for a few years and ONLY
::It's a sad marriage that doesn't allow for individuality and time spent seperately with friends
She wasn't asking him to give it up, she was asking for time as a family and couple and questioning his behavior, which is inappropriate....He goes out every weekend, gets drunk, comes home sometimes at 6am and spends NO TIME with her, his son as a family or a date night with his wife... he's given up his family for his single friends.
Carrie
You wrote to me: "For the next few years he needs to have his wife and children as #1 priority. He needs to be with them as much as possible. There will be plenty of time when the children are older for him to play with his friends."
This is the post I read and what I was responding to with my comment. From your words, it certainly sounded to me
I didn't write this:
You wrote to me: "For the next few years he needs to have his wife and children as #1 priority. He needs to be with them as much as possible. There will be plenty of time when the children are older for him to play with his friends."
ivdarian did.
Carrie
I see the light...lol!
If silly ivillage would only give us an outline view like compuserve. Even the outline view on ivillage doesn't detail the discussion and off-shoots very well. No wonder no one knows who said what to whom.
:)
'How often does your BF/DH go out with his friends?'
We go out with friends together a lot. Actually he goes out maybe once a month on his own.
'Does he usually let you know when he's going to be back?'
Yep and he calls me on the way home.
'Would he rather spend time with his friends on the weekend instead of the family?'
No
' I know that everyone needs time with friends, but EVERY weekend being out past 2am!'
I agree with you. He isn't being supportive or choosing to spend quality time with his family. Did he want the 2nd child? Does he act like a father and husband when he isn't out?
' he doesn't seem to realize what women go through when they're pregnant'
This has nothing to do with you being pregnant. You could get a sitter and go out also and not drink/go home early. My guess is that he doesn't want you there. And if you weren't 'hormonal' would this behavior be o.k. with you??
'He says that I'm being controlling and selfish.'
I don't know whether you are a controlling and selfish person. Regardless, concerning this issue he needs to grow up and change. Have you thought about marriage counseling?
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