Hurry up and Wait

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Hurry up and Wait
1
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:10pm
The guy I'm interested in and I met through my friends. I was there to be set up with someone else, who ended up being very rude, and Adam came along and started up a conversation. He didn't neccessarily strike one up with me alone, as that isn't really his style, but I started in and began to talk with him about numerous topics. He was complimentary to a fault, attentive in a way I'd never experienced, intelligent, witty, and absolutely the most gorgeous creature to ever have walked the planet. I was amazed, and as we left, we exchanged numbers. The way he spoke to me, the way he acted, seemed at the time as though he was truly interested.

See, this is all new to me. As far as that type of thing goes, most guys that are attractive don't take up an avid interest in me, for some reason as of yet unknown to me. The next day, to top it all of with a cherry, he has called FOUR TIMES, and finally reaches me on the FIFTH! I'm totally flabbergasted, giddy, and just plan happy that he called, and for another six hours, we continued our telephone conversation.

For me, people who make marathon calls are usually interested. At least, that seems the logical explination for such actions. We set up a date, and had another wonderful time. We spoke, played this intellectually stimulating board-game, debated politics, laughed..It was absoulte heaven! The end of the evening rolled around, and before I left, I was dying to know where I stood with him, relationship wise. He then proceeded to tell me, after our great past week, that I had no chance with him. That, of course, came as a complete shock to me, and he gave me BS reasons like he wasn't ready for a serious relationship, blahdy-blahdy-blah. For the next three hours, I poured my heart out to him. I told him my life story, told him how he seemed, why I was so gul-durned overtaken by him..And he, by the end of the night, was actually wanting to persue a trial-run.

For three weeks, I got to know him, spent time with him, enjoyed his company emmensely..And began to fall in love with him..He was everything I wanted and so much more, and he just came in on his white horse and whisked me away. He cooked me this romantic dinner, with a great dessert, took me to meet his friends, wrote me little notes about himself, things about him that we'd talked about and he had time to think about during the day..I was happy..I thought he was too...

A week prior to our "one month", he met me and some friends of mine while we were out. As we were walking into the bulding, he said he needed to talk to me. So, I paused behind, and my friends stood a bit away and watched the events unfold. He began to reach into his pocket, and said "I'm breaking up with you"....Of course, I totally thought he was playing a romantic joke on me and was going to pull out a rose or something (he always did stuff like that). He repeated...I finally began to question and said "What?"...It started to sink in as he pulled a piece of paper from his jacket. "I'm breaking up with you..I didn't want to lead you on anymore". That was the pennical of the entire rest of the day. I took his letter, he tried to explain, I turned away and began back to my friends, with no expression at all on my face. It wasn't until I reached them that I fell to me knees and just totally broke down. It sounds melodramatic, but I've NEVER cared for someone as much I cared for him, even in that short while. While they helped me away, he too, made it to his motorcycle which was down the hill, and fell to his knees and started sobbing. My friends and I were totally confused, and that evening, he called me.

He told me he wanted not to have any communication with me for an entire month. I tore him a new butthole when we spoke, explaining how he'd hurt me, tore me to pieces. And I was ok with our arrangement (although in all honesty, I was still completely devistated by the whole event). The next day, while I sobbed and listened to depressing songs, I got his things together. It was all a moot point, as the next morning, he called me. It was early, and the only thing he said when I answered the phone was "You have no idea how much I miss you". I retorted, trying to choke back my tears and be strong, "Well, you should have thought about that before". Finally, I broke down, and told him to call me later, and we'd talk.

After that, its been a big rollarcoaster. He wants simply to be friends, and in that, he thinks its ok to be physical (we've never and wouldn't consumated the relationship). Because I care for him so much, I'm in that "take what I can get" mindset, and so, even though I feel like I'm betraying myself and being self-destructive, I still go with the flow.

Recently, he's made it aware to me that his parents and his friends don't think he should be with me because of my "non-practicing" status in religion, and the fact that I am five years younger than him. If only they knew how immature he is.

Doctor, I care for him more than I can even put into words. Being with him is like dangling a fillet minion in front of a starving man. I'll never have the emotional support, the true caring and kindness and love from him that I can so easily give. He's insistant that its "not me" but that he just "doesn't want to be with anyone". I don't know whats up or down, and he's tearing me to pieces. He makes me feel like he cares, but double-talks himself and says he doesn't. What do I do, leave the whole thing in the past, or hang on until he finally sees?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 2:33pm
Bottom line- whether it is his family's influence or his own preference, he doesn't want a relationship and he has told you so from the beginning. You can't keep talking him into having a relationship because when you do, he ultimately reminds you that he can't.

Why take what you can get- you will only humiliate yourself and be more heartbroken in the long run. Stop talking to him and pursue someone who likes you unconditionally.