hurt and giving up.
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| Mon, 06-16-2008 - 5:45am |
So I guess I should start off by explaining my situation a little and my past with my husband. We are young. Only 20. We've been together for four years, and have been married since we turned 18. Him and I were best friends for a little more than a year before we got together. He is the only man I've ever been with because I was a lesbian before I got with him. We have two kids together..one is 3 and the other is 1 and a half. The problem is, I have been nothing but faithful and honest to him during the entire relationship and I don't understand why I can't get that in return. I'm not trying to blow my own horn because I know I make mistakes too, but I have never cheated on him, or lied to him about anything involving anyone else. He cheated on me once that I know about after my daughter was born. He came home with a hickey on his neck and eventually confessed to me after I was crying and saying I couldn't take this stress anymore. The second time, a girl textd his phone, he had saved her number under one of his guy friends names. So I called and talked to her and she let me know that he was trying to mess around with her and everything. So, that was the second betrayal. He swears to his death that he doesn't wanna cheat on me, and that he has never cheated on me after that..But I can't trust him.
I hardly go out because I stay at home with my kids and I take college classes online. So, I'm either busy with family or with school work. So, recently..withing the past 5 months. I went out a few times with friends (which is something that he does often) and I come home to find out that he created and has been on "sex personal" groups and message boards. I came to him about it and he promised me he'd stop, that he was just curious for various reasons, so I think ok..and try to move on. I go out again, and I find that he did it again. The second time he promised me that he'd "give up his addictions" because none of his addictions were more important than our relationship. So, I'm hoping that things are better because we had a really emotional talk.He felt so sincere..and I really thought that he meant what he said. But when I went out this weekend, I came home to find that he had created another secret email account and was doing the same things again. When I came home I asked him, "you weren't on any groups or anything, talking to any people were you?" and he said "no. I wasn't even on the computer that much." So I go online and after some looking around I find that he lied to me again.
I feel like I'm losing my mind because when we talk he seems so sincere. But he keeps hurting me, and he obviously doesn't care about my feelings. I'm tired because I do everything, I cook, clean, go to school, take care of the kids, and do everything for him and my kids. I'm always honest and faithful and I don't understand how you can give so much to someone and them not feel pain when they hurt you. I don't know what to do, because he continues to lie, and that's what hurts me the most. I'm so in love with him, it's so hard to think of my kids not having a father to grow up with. But each time this happens, my dreams and hopes for my family slowly drift farther away. I'm on the verge of giving up, and I don't know what to do. I asking if anyone has any suggestions on the situation..or similar experience.

Welcome to the board jrodriguez7,
Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling with you? Or would he be willing to get some individual counseling? Nothing is going to change in your marriage until he is ready to stop lying to you and stop looking for sex in other places.
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Welcome to the board jrodriquez7,
Sorry to say that even with the addictions as you refer to them aside, he's doesn't sound ready to be a husband and a parent.